Not for me to say

In His Image

2010-10-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

I never thought that it was alright to be angry at God. Somewhere in the messages of my upbringing, church culture, Christian education, etc. I got the impression that being angry at God meant that you didn't fully trust God and to express this was sinful or maybe was too much for God. I understand that lack of trust is a problem. I also understand that God allows for due process such as the grieving process, the growth process and the frustration process. If God loves us entirely, than He even loves us when we are angry; even when we are angry with Him. Living in that place of anger for a long time is not a healthy place to be but allowing yourself to go there, like visiting a little, secluded cabin in the woods, for a time, is not only acceptable, it is acknowledging that we were created in God's own image.

In the books of Jeremiah and Lamentations, we see a picture of God, in all of His glory, frustration, anger and hurt. The Israelites had forgotten all that God had done for them. In short, they had forgotten their history which was the history of God's faithfulness to their people. They had, instead, decided that making their own little gods out of wood and rock and clay better suited their worship style and taste. God, in His amazing love, sends Jeremiah to warn the Israelites of where they are headed, not only personally, but in relationship with God. We see in Jeremiah and Lamentations that God gives the people numerous chances to repent and warns them that if they continue to forget God, God will forget them and allow them to be defeated. This is exactly what happens and in their utter despair, the Israelites become completely inhumane. They begin to starve and so choose to kill their own children for food. Old and young alike are killed in the streets. Priests and prophets are murdered in the Temple. Jeremiah is sickened by what he sees and cries out to God in anguish.

The interesting thing is that many of the sentiments that Jeremiah portrays are the same sentiments that God has in relation to His feelings of betrayal by His own people. God is angry and hurt and sad. If these are His feelings, and we believe that we are made in the image of God, then why would God be unable to handle our same feelings, whether towards Him or towards another situation or person. In a sense, to deny those feelings would be to deny the very imprinted image of God on our physical bodies, our feelings being part of our human creation.

I believe in the God who was saddened when His people walked away. I believe that He is saddened when I do the same in my life. I believe also in the Christ who, by His Spirit, helps me to walk through the processes of anger, doubt, mistrust and fear with complete grace. That is the grace that says, "Jaime, I know you are angry with me but ... 'Come now and let us reason together'(Isaiah 1:18)". The very God who made me and understands me best, the very God in whose image I was made, the very God who created the trees that lift my spirits when they glow with Autumn colors and the evening sky with it's inspiring lights, invites me to reason with Him because He has felt those very same things and can therefore walk me through those feelings. Praise be to the God of all things, the author and perfecter of my life and faith!

Just Jesus

2010-09-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

God is doing something in my life right now. I don't know how to express it any more clearly than that, although I realize the general lack of clarity in that statement. I have been spending more time in Bible study, prayer, thought about God, and worship in the last month or so and I feel it. I realized just a minute ago as I was reading a book by Anne Graham Lotz that God has been doing "Jesus". Ok, this sounds weird and doesn't make any sense, but go with me. I just finished reading "Through Gates of Splendor" by Elisabeth Elliot. If you don't know the story, I don't want to take the time to summarize it thoroughly here, but basically she loses her husband along with four other missionary husbands/friends while they are attempting to reach a lost people group. She writes in her epilogue that often people want to see the death of these five men as part of a simple equation: five men killed equals multiple people saved. However, she writes, to do this is to put God into our own box and our own understanding of justice and purpose. Those men gave their lives to God and did so without reservation or bondage. As Elliot says, whether what they did was heroic or foolish, God can do what God wants with their lives and their story.

As I sat in bed reflecting on this, I felt the same thing that I have been feeling so often as I have spent time searching after God. I have felt God "doing" something. As I thought about this, as I really sat with it, I realized something quite profound and really quite telling. I so often associate my times of feeling closeness to God with a result. I feel God in my heart and feel the closeness of Him so deeply that I assume that what God is doing is a work ... an external work. Maybe it is that soon God is going to provide that amazing job or that my ministry will finally take off or that I will write the most amazing worship songs ever. And maybe these things will happen as an extension of God's grace. However, as I sat and listened to myself think and feel these things, I felt shallow. I wanted to go deeper. I asked God about these feelings. I asked God what He was doing. And this was the response I got: "Jesus". In my search for God and in His drawing near to me, God wasn't primarily blessing my finances or my ministry or my impact on my world, God was doing "Jesus". God was blessing me with the thing He knows I need more than anything else, which is the actual felt and awesomely real presence of Jesus Christ. He reminded me that whether or not my ministry flourished or failed, whether or not my family's move to Georgia would mean the beginning of something amazing and whether or not I was able to break into the use of what I perceive to be my gifts, He was doing a work and it was the best work He could possibly do. In giving me Jesus, He was giving me exactly that which I was seeking after. God's blessing that comes from obedience is simply the presence of Jesus Christ. Anything that flows out of that is icing, it's flocking on a bright green Christmas tree. It's meant to enrich, not to mask or detract from the true form. And if it does, it's time to scrape off the icing or hose down the big tree and get back to the substantial thing.
I pray that I will remember that Jesus is not only enough for me but truly all that I want. If God sees fit to allow me to express that relationship in other ways, all glory be to Him who exalts Himself through the wholeness and joy that flows out of relationship with Him!

Content(ment)

2010-09-21T19:19:00.001-07:00

This afternoon, I was lying in bed with Mercy as she was nursing to sleep, and I had a quick parallel vision which I have had often when I am in such a state. The vision is one of a mother lioness or mother bear lying on her side with her head back, nursing her little cubs. I have seen the scene many a time in nature films and, most recently, in the Disney film "Earth". Each time I see such a scene, the word that pops into my head is "content". It seems that as the mother lies there nursing her little ones, she is completely content and almost aloof, in a way. This is the same feeling I get when I am nursing Mercy to sleep. Being content is different than being happy. "Happy" denotes something I can't totally get my mind around; something pink and cushy, like a big bazooka blown bubble. Contentment is much more subtle and, to my mind, much more satisfying. As I rested and thought about the word "content", I suddenly realized that the word "content" (with the emphasis on the first syllable) was spelled the exact same way as "content" (with the emphasis on the last syllable). Hmmm, odd coincidence but when you look at the words, it kind of makes sense. The word content (with the emphasis on the second syllable) can mean "desiring no more than what one has; satisfied". The word content (emphasis on the first syllable) can mean "something contained" as well as "the substantive or meaningful part". So, both words have to do with both space (being satisfied or full and what something holds in a certain space) as well as the idea of having enough and having that "enough" be meaningful. I often find that I am most content when the contents of my life are tied to things from which I derive meaningful and substantive experiences, lessons and memories. Nothing to me is more meaningful in my life than the Word of God right now. I have been asking God to feed me off of His Word and to let His Word be nourishment to me. I want the contents of His Word to make me content. I want the contents of the Bible to be enough for me so that I desire no more than what it gives me. And, I want the content of my life, my life as God has given it to me and as I have walked it out, to be a source of contentment to myself, my family and my friends. Contentment doesn't mean finding "happiness" in something ethereal. Rather, it means that God has given me the desires of my heart and I have been sated on the blessing of the relationship I have with Him.

Ritual from Abandonment, Justice from Relationship

2010-09-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am currently in a Bible study at a local church in which we are studying the major and minor prophets. We have started with Isaiah and though I had a pretty good class on Isaiah at Fuller, I always find it absolutely rewarding to go back through and take the time to look at each book of the Bible with fresh eyes. I could absolutely become a Bible study junkie, which is funny because I used to loathe the idea of spending time in a Bible study, whether alone or with a group. I thought it was shallow and pointless (mostly because I did them alone, which is pretty much a sure way to make sure I don't follow through).

Anyways, we are looking at the themes of Isaiah and one of the recurring themes is the progression from Turning from God to Turning to Ritual to Turning from Justice. One of the reflection questions asked, "Do you see yourself anywhere in this picture? Is there a sin God is rebuking you for that you are ignoring?". Hmmmm ... good question.

I don't feel like there is a particular sin for which I am being rebuked, but if the progression goes from forsaking God to pursuing ritual to ignoring justice, then shouldn't the reciprocal be true? If I look at my life and see that I have a tendency to ignore justice, does that mean that I have fallen into a place of religious ritual in my life and have therefore turned away from God through sin? It seems to make sense. While I always care for the general well-being of humanity (whatever that means), I don't seem to have heart-broken, sleepless nights full of prayer-waking when I'm just going through the motions with God. As I read through the first 27 chapters of Isaiah, I get the idea that "sin" has to be some huge and obvious transgression. You know, like "whoring myself before idols" and all that other back-in-the-day awful stuff. The truth is, though, that I do "whore" myself before lots of "idols". Ouch! That really hurts to say, but its true. I have so often sold my time with God out to Facebook or my gmail account. I spend more time concerned about the money we make and how we will ever be able to afford a house than I do about the widows in my community and how I can be used to alleviate some of their loneliness and need. And yet, in God's grace, when He convicts me and I truly repent, I am cleansed and He calls me to true living, to living that is full of the need for justice. When this happens, my thoughts go from "Hmmm, how should I cut my hair next week?" to "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Protect the little ones who are being neglected and abused. Be a husband to the widows who feel alone and unprotected. Show me how to be an agent for your love and justice to this absolutely hurting world". So, though my sin is not visibly evil and alarming, it is alarming to God because I allow it to lead me into a place of religious ritual and abandonment of God.

I want justice and the love for justice to be one of the marks of my life. Seeking justice has almost become trendy these days, which is good because it gets the word of the immense need into the mainstream. And yet, how quickly can seeking justice become another way to get busy ignoring the constant need for communion with God through God's Word, God's community and prayer and instead turn to the ritual of being a good volunteer or worker. Then the cycle starts all over again and we end up seeking self before we seek true Justice.

Praise God for his grace to convict, hear our confession, cleanse us and call us to go like Isaiah who said "Here I am, Lord! Send me!".

Modern Martyrdom

2010-09-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

One thing that I like to do these days in to take some time to read when Mercy goes down for her afternoon nap. It is quite a precious time as I lie down next to her and listen to the rhythm of her breathing and the warmth of her little body as I drift into a new book. As Joseph and I have been struggling through decisions that we believe will shape our life vision and goals, I have been drawn to different books about faith and living in faith. I have a very old and worn copy of Fox's Book of Martyrs, which I believe either belonged to my grandfather or my great uncle, both who were men of faith and great learning. I have many times looked at the book and thought, "I really need to read that someday". As well, when I worked at the bookstore at Fuller, I would see different copies of the book and be drawn to pick them up and flip through them. I have always been curious about the early church saints and martyrs and this past week I decided to spend the time I have while Mercy naps reading the heavy, worn book in the hopes of bolstering my own faith.

I don't think I quite understood what I was getting into as I read the introduction about John Foxe, who was himself persecuted for writing his book chronicling the story of Christian martyrs from Stephen to his own contemporary time. As I have continued to read, I have found myself wrapping my arms around Mercy in a protective fashion in response to stories of men, women and children being tortured, starved, raped, falsely accused and murdered for simply stating that they believed in Christ and, often, refusing to give homage to other gods. Reading these accounts makes me ask two questions: 1) What kind of faith do I have when I feel like a "martyr" because of very shallow sacrifices I have made for God (and sometimes for my own sense of pride)? 2) How can a loving God allow His people to be abused in so many horrific ways when all they wanted to do was love and serve Him?

Now, I am an imaginative person and being thus, when I read these accounts, my mind wanders to the mental picture of the atrocity itself and I think, "what must that have felt like? Could I endure such a thing? Would I be able to stand strong in the face of such pain and oppression?". So many of the martyrs are said to have faced their deaths with such amazing fortitude and bravery. That is not something I think I could do. I think of stories I hear of modern-day martyrs and how far away I am from such sacrifice in my own life. In the moment that these people are being persecuted, does God shine on them so brilliantly that He takes away their physical pain? Does He show Himself merciful to those that love Him in a practical and physical way?

I have no pretty bow to wrap up this post. I am struggling with this just as I struggle with the inhumanity I read about that is present in our world today. I want to be willing to sacrifice all for my God, just as I want to be willing to come to the aid of those who are oppressed in this world, whether they know Christ or not. I pray that God would lead me to be bold, courageous and uniquely positioned to help the oppressed and forlorn.

I would love feedback as I am struggling to understand and come to grips with the reign of evil in the world when I know that there is a loving God who truly cares for every person He has created.

Captive Thoughts

2010-09-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I've posted a blog. There has been so much going on for our family and me personally but nothing that I have really desired to dig into through writing.

However, as I was laying in bed this evening, thinking through some big decisions we have recently been making, I had a bit of a moment where a number of thoughts connected and came together with a passage of Scripture like two sides of a jacket zipper being connected together into one tight track by a fervent tug of a pulley. I was thinking through how I felt about two sides of a particular decision. Often when I think on how I feel about something, I end up getting a mental picture. As I thought through one side of the decision, I pictured myself on a thin metal railing above a deep gorge. I was alone on the railing trying to slide myself gingerly across the sharp metal rail, all the while realizing how alone I was and what a dangerous situation I was finding myself in. As I thought about the second outcome of this particular decision, I pictured the Kudzu that grows all over Atlanta in the Spring and Summer. Kudzu looks like a combination of ivy and moss in that it has large leaves and grows over absolutely everything in a kind of green blanket. It is absolutely beautiful and also totally engrossing. The feeling I was resonating with was that of being completely surrounded and enveloped. As I let these two images sink in a bit more, I realized that there are other images that I have associated with feelings all of my life without being fully aware that they have been such a part of my unconscious and, now, conscious life. As well, there have been memories and pictures from my childhood that have often flashed so quickly across the screen of my mind that I don't even realize they are there. In the last few years, I have been able to catch some of these memories, feelings and pictures either by the grace of God or simply because of years of repetition. When I am able to "catch" them, it's as if I am pulling them out of the clouds of my mind and investigating them, really looking at them, for the first time. I am able to analyze the feelings, emotions and weight of them. Sometimes, when I'm able to do this, I have real breakthroughs. Sometimes they merit nothing more than a smile or giggle attached to a precious time from my earlier life.

As I was thinking about this tonight, I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 10:5 which says,
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ".

Now, I know this is proof-texting quite a bit, but as I thought of that verse, a light went on for me on a personal level. It seems that as I have grown in my relationship with Christ, there have been more of those moments when I have been able to actually capture a thought that has been with me for years but had never become a part of my conscious mind. In light of this verse, it seems that as I have grown in truth and prayed against the "arguments and pretensions that (set themselves) up against the knowledge of God" in my life, God has allowed me to take my thoughts captive and deal with them, which has allowed me to be free and, therefore, more obedient to Christ. All I can say in response to that discovery is Praise be to God who rules and reigns in our hearts and minds to set us free from our own mental jails and barriers. What an amazing God to truly indwell us to the point that He reveals our own selves to us more fully so that we can live more freely in His truth. What a loving God I serve!

Mercy's 1st Birthday

2010-06-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Well, in retrospect, I should have been blogging like mad over the last four months because of all of the things that have happened; Praises to God for a clean bill of health for my father-in-law after a cancer scare that led us to Oregon for about six weeks, a move to a new apartment and the ever-present search for work in Atlanta. However, since I just summarized the last quarter of a year in a sentence, I will move on to the present joy in my life: Mercy turned one! I am excited to share pictures and video of her first birthday. Here is a summary in photos of our trip to the zoo and her little party with our Bell/Eggleston family here in Atlanta. Enjoy!

Sunshine Days

2010-02-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was quite possibly the first day we have had since we have been here that I have felt most completely myself. I imagine that it was due, in large part, to the weather. We finally had a lapse in the winter front that brought sunshine and temperatures in the high 50s/low 60s. It was brilliant. Joseph had a meeting with a friend with whom he played back in the late 90s who also happens to be a bass player. He was very encouraging about the possibility of making a living here playing music. We have found that the music scene here, especially the Christian one, is very different from Los Angeles. It seems that there are many church players who do quite well for themselves. As well, there is a thriving teaching scene. Currently, Joseph has between 3-6 students a week but he also often subs for other teachers since he is able to teach both bass and guitar. He found out yesterday that there is a local Catholic school that is looking for someone to head up their music education program so I think Joseph is going to throw his name in the hat for that job. His friend Pat is in a small group with the school's principal who has told Pat about the job. Hopefully, that will be a good lead.
I, unfortunately, did not hear back from Interactive College where I applied to teach ESL. I was pretty ego bruised for about a week and then when the snow came, forcing me to stay inside last weekend, I was so homesick that I started crying over everything from missing friends and family to missing my favorite burrito place in Pasadena. I got over it after a good conversation with Natalie and Mom as well as some encouragement from Joseph. As well, I figure that if a job doesn't happen it is more about God's protection than it is about a lost opportunity. For the time being, I have decided to continue to look for jobs but, instead, focus on other things that I want to be doing. Thus, I am getting to bed early (about 9 pm) and getting up in the mornings sometime between 5 am and 7 am and writing. There isn't really any huge goal in the writing other than pleasure. It is the one thing in life that gives me huge personal satisfaction with a sense of catharsis and rehabilitation. I love it! I have been writing journals, children's stories, memories, blogs; really, I have been writing anything and everything. Joseph and I have gotten into a pretty good rhythm whereby he stays up late and practices bass while I go to bed with Mercy. In the morning, he stays in bed with Mercy while I get up and write. The only flaw in the system is that he has a tendency to lost track of time and not come to bed until anywhere from 2 am - 6 am. I am really glad that he loves to practice so much and I pray that it pays off in some fun and well-paying gigs. It's just amazing that God has put us in a place right now where we are able to pursue some of the things we love while being in a somewhat stressful financial situation and personal transition. I felt absolutely led to be here and I thought that it was because of Passion City Church but the longer we are here, the more I get the sense that it was more about us as individuals and as a family. I think God allowed us to make the choice to move so that we could get out of our rut and into something new. I am praying that the job search becomes highly fruitful soon or our new adventure will be cut short when we have to move in with our parents. We aren't there yet, though, so we'll just keep plugging away. If anyone keeps up with us in prayer, we are still asking God for financial provisions through jobs and it would be great if those jobs could connect with our passions.
We had a really nice day on Thursday in downtown Atlanta. We headed out to a place called little five points which is the sort of hipster side of downtown. It also happens to be the homeless side of downtown but it was a funky little area with some weird little independent stores. The only mainstream store there was American Apparel. How do they do that? They always seem to be the only large retail chain amongst little mom and pop shops, like in Los Feliz. We didn't spend any time in little five points; we just drove around. The drive there took us through a really posh neighborhood with sprawling mansions and greenways. After driving around for about an hour or so, we stopped by the Atlanta Bass Gallery, which is a really cool bass store opened by a man who had settlement money from a crazy lawsuit. Apparently, he had gone sky diving and neither his primary nor his secondary parachute opened and he landed on a plum tree breaking most of the bones in his body. He sued the sky diving company, won lots of good money and opened up a Bass store in Atlanta. It was a great store and Joseph was trying not to drool. We have to go back there after the jobs come so that he can get something. After he got his Bass fix, we stopped off at Octane, which is an amazing coffee house in downtown. It has really good coffee which is roasted by Counter Culture, I believe, and it was so nice to be amongst a good mix of people. Where we are currently living seems to all white, all the time. Uck! At Octane there were people of every color and I felt like I could breath again. Living out in the country is really beautiful but I got an energy from being downtown that totally revives my spirit. After spending about an hour at Octane, we headed over to Taqueria del Sol and got some amazing brisket and vegetarian tacos. The place was packed out! Mercy's new favorite food is avocado so we fed her pieces from our guacamole. We headed back home after a full and wonderful day in downtown Atlanta. I hope that we can find a place to live that is somewhat close to downtown or, at least, a place with a bit more diversity.
On the Mercy front, life is absolutely sensational. She now has her bottom two teeth with another coming in from the front. We thought the upper tooth that is coming in was her front tooth but, oddly enough, it is her I tooth. As it comes in she is starting to look like a baby vampire. The I tooth on the other side is starting to break through too. It is hilarious! She is such a doll and is talking up a storm. Here words include Dada, Mama, Duck and Book. It also sounded like she told Dianne (the lady with whom we live) "thank you" last night. She usually wakes up in the morning having conversations with herself and she laughs a lot. She is getting altogether too big for my liking but I am enjoying every phase of her growth. Her hair is still more full in the front than in the back, giving her a nice little mohawk that stands straight up on these dry winter days. We can't believe that she is already eight months old! One year will be here before we know it.
As usual, thank you to all of our family and friends for your calls and prayers. We miss everyone so much and if everyone needs a break from the West, come visit us here in Hotlanta. We would love to see you!

Any Day Now

2010-02-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

Oh, the job search! Or maybe I should say, "woe" the job search. In many ways, we dug right in and got our professional lives moving pretty quickly. Joseph has five bass students on Saturdays and has been working somewhat regularly with David Bell and his company Orchestrate. As well, we were introduced to some wonderful folks at Land of 1000 Hills coffee within our first month here and were offered a job only two days later. While, for a while, that was looking like it was going to be a great fit, we decided to say no on Wednesday after some negotiations about compensation. The company has an amazing vision and they are going to be opening up their third store in Cumming hopefully by the 6th of March. We pitched the idea of Joseph and I managing the store together and we were trying to negotiate for family benefit coverage and/or some sort of commission based on the profit we could turn for the store. Whomever decides to take on the job of management will be involved in everything from design, marketing and layout to hiring, scheduling, working on the bar, doing catering events and anything else involved in making a cafe successful. I believe that Joseph and I would have brought a tremendous amount of experience into the job and really could have made it successful. While they were excited to have us on board, we believe that the expectation and the compensation were not equally yolked. They were absolutely up front from the beginning about the compensation piece, which was wonderful, and we were absolutely up front about what we hoped for beyond what they were offering. All in all, it was a good negotiation process and we are happy with our decision to say no with our blessing on their new store and the company as a whole. We are both praying that they find someone who will love the job, turn a great profit for them and be a team player so they can go on to open many more stores!
So, after saying no to Land of 1000 Hills, I began to look back towards teaching positions. Yesterday I went out with Mercy and took my resume and application to a few local Christian schools in the hopes of finding some substitute work that could possibly turn into part or full-time teaching. While I was busying myself with filling out applications and updating my resume, I also took a look at Craigslist and saw that there is a local technical college hiring for an ESL position. I quickly doctored up my resume and sent it off in an email explaining that I've never taught ESL but have a degree in English and classroom experience teaching Spanish. I really didn't expect to hear back from them but at 3 pm yesterday, I received a call from the assistant to the director asking if I could come in Monday morning for an interview. Yippee! It looks like they are hiring both full and part-time as well as nights and weekends. It also looks as though they provide benefits, which would thin out a heavy bulge in our family's budget. I am a little nervous about the interview but I also realize that every opportunity we have is solely because of God's provision in our lives. If this is the position He has reserved for me, He will help me to interview well. My prayer has been that God would be our advocate and would give us favor. I am on my knees every day, literally, asking God to show me how to be a better wife and mother, how to please Him more and to walk in His will and asking that He would direct our paths. This move has been very hard and has definitely put Joseph and I into a position of growth as a couple. As well, the blessing that we have felt and the support both here and back at home have been overwhelming. I know we haven't moved to a far off place where we are risking our lives for Jesus but it really feels like the step of faith we took to come here has put us in a position to risk our sanity and be stretched for Jesus.
Thank you to all who are reading this for your prayers. We feel lifted up and ask that you would continue to remember us in prayer when you remember us in thought.

Here Comes the Sun

2010-01-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

Today was a very good day! Not all that much happened but I attribute much of the positivity to a phone call that I made last night accepting a job offer that is set to begin on Monday, February 1st. Before Joseph and I moved out here, I was in touch with a place called Land of 1000 Hills Coffee. I first touched base with them back in September because of a Craigslist posting they had published looking for a barista for one of their (at the time) two stores. I contacted them to learn more about them and it turned out that they are a company started by an Anglican priest who wanted to "do good" for the people of Rwanda. He found out that their coffee industry had been decimated by the genocide and started to work towards recovery of that particular economy. In starting Land of 1000 Hills Coffee, he has been able to impact the Rwandan community by investing in local coffee growers and establishing above fair-trade pay for the locally grown coffee. He, in-turn, sells that coffee here in the States in two stores in Roswell and Atlanta. Land of 1000 Hills has poured a large amount of money into the local economy and continues to grow here in the States.
So, how did Joseph and I continue on our journey to be working for LOTH? It happened that our dear friend, Cheryl Bell, who had, along with her husband, been encouraging us to come out for Passion City Church, had a contact at LOTH named Amy. Amy and I were able to meet at Passion 2010 after much email conversation during the Fall. She introduced us to Karen who does all of the hiring for LOTH and passed along my resume as well. I met with Karen last week for a job interview and pitched the idea of Joseph and I co-managing their newest store, which just happens to be in the same town where we are currently living. The Cumming store is set to open March 8th and we have been offered the position as managers.
Aside from the LOTH ministry itself, there are some very cool things about our opportunity to manage the Cumming store. For one, we will be able to split the position in a way that allows one of us to always be with Mercy. As well, the store is inside of a ministry called "The Warehouse" that exists to equip young people for ministry in music, audio/visual and other creative facets of leadership. The Warehouse is located in a development called "Family Festival" which hosts soccer fields, baseball fields, batting cages, a playground, a karate studio, burger joint, swim club and lots more. It will be the perfect place to hang out with Mercy when we are not working. As well, it is right up the street from the newest YMCA which is a wonderful facility.
We really feel God's hand in this and while the pay is not the highlight of the job, the hours free us up to pursue ministry and allow Joseph to continue to teach bass (he currently has five students). Passion City Church is now in full-swing and we hope to be able to really plug in as the congregation firms up and we eventually find a permanent building. We plan to continue to live with Dianne while we work out what life will look like in the coming months and hope to be able to afford a small house or condo within the next year or two.
Mercy is growing exponentially, it seems, and she is starting to look like her mama more and more each day (Yay! Finally). I often look at her at night after she falls asleep and just study her face, trying to lock away in my memory exactly how her sweet, rosy cheeks look as she lays next to me. She is such a gem and a most definite gift from God. We think she will be walking very soon as she is super strong and very active. Of course, I wouldn't mind if she waits awhile because she is already hard to keep up with.
The transition here to Atlanta has been good; it's been hard too. I don't recommend moving to a new place without jobs or a place to live but it seems to be how we roll and God has rolled with us. At times, I have felt totally debilitated but I'm getting my sea legs finally. I really look forward to starting work on Monday (more than I thought I would) and I also look forward to working with Joseph. This will either solidify our dreams of opening something of our own someday or give us a good wake-up call.
I can't say enough how much I have loved talking to friends back home and feeling so supported in this move. I really miss home but this is a great place to be. I actually met a woman today at Mercy's doctor's office who is from Pasadena and went to the same elementary school (Linda Vista), high school (La Canada) and college (UCLA) that I went to. When I asked her about living here and how she found it she replied "great place to raise a family, great place to afford a home, good friends, good food, good life!". That is a recommendation that I can live with!

Days Like These

2010-01-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

This coming Tuesday will officially mark the one month anniversary of our move to Atlanta. While it's amazing that we have only been here one month, it feels like we've been here much longer. That can sound either very positive or quite gloomy. It's a mix of both. We have been so blessed by Dianne who has opened up her home to Joseph, Mercy and I. She lost her husband a year ago February to lung cancer and has enjoyed the company of having our little family around. We have enjoyed her wonderful sense of humor, dry whit and hospitality. She really loves Mercy and, in turn, Mercy doles out miles of smiles to her every time she sees Dianne.
This week has been chock-full of appointments, interviews, business proposals and meetings. Monday morning we went to Atlanta Bread Company for a career group which was a blessing to Joseph as he looks to make contacts here. After, we were able to have some very special Rwandan coffee at Land of 1000 Hills (LOTH) in Roswell. We have been talking to LOTH about co-managing their new Cumming store and we are prayerfully considering it. The ministry pours so much money into Rwanda and the reconciliation efforts there. To work for them would be a privilege. As well, we are looking at substitute teaching jobs, full and part-time teaching jobs and lots of other opportunities. Our dear friend, David Bell, has started a management/event company, Orchestrate, and we met with him this week to see how we could plug-in there. I will hopefully be doing some writing projects with them to help them communicate their vision and services to the community.
The weather here has been so beautiful these last couple of days. Cumming is an absolutely beautiful county with lots of pine trees, farms, rolling hills, quaint (and large) homes and wonderful people. It is starting to grow on me as we look around at where we would like to end up. Georgia State University is downtown Atlanta as is Passion City Church (for now), so that is probably where we will end up looking. It will be hard to leave Cumming. Even now, as I look out the window into Dianne's expansive back yard, I see the silhouettes of trees, dense and sparse, as well as a sky that looks like an oil painting of descending colors of purple. It is a wonder and I praise God to be able to see it. It inspires me!
Mercy is starting to pop out a second tooth right next to her first and is working on saying "Dada". She is also getting very vocal about what she wants and what she doesn't. Joseph is a very hands-on father and I am so thankful to have him as a co-parent.
Passion City Church begins regular Sunday services this week and we are excited to show up and see what happens. I am praying that God will open up a position there for Joseph. That is why we came but we have given this whole thing up to God, so if there is something else here for us, so be it.
All in all, I am so glad that we are here and am starting to feel the clouds break over some blues that I initially had. I am so ready to see what God is going to do and I believe that this is going to be a great place to call home.

Ready

2010-01-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

I think I am ready. It is amazing to me (I use that word way too much) that it has been six years since I graduated from UCLA and four since I graduated from Fuller. Where has the time gone? Well, part of it went to falling in love with and marrying Joseph, part of it went to the joy of newlywed life and part of it went to getting pregnant and having an exceptionally wonderful little Mercy. Now that I'm staring thirty in the face, I'm really thinking about some advice that my dad gave us before we left for Georgia: "Develop a five-year plan". Wow, a five-year plan? I don't even really have a one-month plan other than finding a place to work, a place to live and praising God for another day. But my dad is right! When I think about where I want to be in five years or in ten years, it sort of makes my mind spin. Mercy will eventually be older and in school and if we do have another child, that one will follow suit. Which means that at some point, I will have an empty house from 8 am to 3 pm every day. Wow! To have time to myself ... whatever will I do? So, I've been asking myself what it is that I really want to do and the thing that keeps coming up over and over again is how much I enjoyed my time at UCLA reading, writing and studying English Literature. So, here is the five year plan that seems to be forming. I am going to apply to Georgia State University's PhD program in Creative Writing. It is one of only eight in the country, including Vanderbilt in Nashville which I had originally considered when we thought we would be moving there. The five- year goal is to be finished with coursework and working on my thesis and the ten-year goal is to be completely finished with my PhD and working as a professor either at the junior college or university level. It's very scary to declare this on my blog in such a public way because I am notorious for talking and not doing. However, I've gotten in touch with the director of the program and plan on going out to GSU next week to check out the campus and find out more about the program, application process, etc. It's scary because of the time, money and effort it will take to finish a program like this but I feel like I owe it to my husband whom I'm always telling to get out there and follow his dreams, my daughter for whom I want to set an example and myself. I have wanted to teach for a very long time at the college level and if I can systematically take the steps to do that over the next ten-year period, I will head into my forties with expectation and enthusiasm for my professional life. Please pray for stamina in the application process and wisdom as to whether or not this is a good long-term goal.

Passion 2010

2010-01-14T06:05:00.000-08:00

I thought that I had already posted the giving amounts of Passion 2010 but upon second glance, I see that I did not. So, below are the total amounts of monies given to the numerous NGO's in the "Do Something Now" center at Passion 2010. To me, these numbers are jaw-dropping and so encouraging. Please comment on what seeing these numbers does to you ... I would love to know! The following is from Louie Giglio

The heartbeat of the Passion Movement is not simply abut filling arenas, but a generation mobilized to carry the message of God’s fame to the unreached, oppressed and forgotten wherever they are on the planet.

To that end, one of the five statements of the 268 Declaration is:

Willingness To Shine The Gospel To All People—
Because God is seeking worshipers of all peoples, I will spread His fame among the nations, fully participating in His global purposes while engaging poverty and injustice in Jesus’ name.
[God, kindle in me the desire to go anywhere, at anytime, at any cost, to do anything to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ.]

While the worship at Passion is vital, it is not an end in itself. Rather, our songs and anthems are fuel for our journey to the nations. Thus, Do Something Now is front and center in all we do, a major component of every gathering.

At Passion 2010 we introduced 12 partner organizations with causes totaling $500,000. Our goal was not pledges for the future, but giving on site together in four days. In the end (and this number will continue to grow), the total passed on to our 12 partners includes:

Building an education center for the Dalit people of India through Operation Mobilization. Goal–$75,000. Given–$92,753.91.

Small business loans for women in Haiti through Hope International. Goal–200 x $200 loans. Given–$64,412.34 for 322 loans.

Bible translation for Shatika and Rom People of SE Asia with OneVerse. Goal–translate 4000 verses at a cost of $100,000. Given–3134 verses/$78.359.

Sponsor 100 seminary students in the Middle East with E3 Partners. Goal–$30,000. Given–$45,318/151 students.

Build 10 wells in Guatemala with Living Water. Goal–$50,000. Given–$113.865/22 wells built.

Provide 100 cleft palate surgeries for children in Afghanistan with Cure International. Goal–$55,000. Given–$68,160.54/111 children get surgeries.

Package and send Bibles to unreached people in Asia through Bibles Unbound. Goal–3000 Bibles packaged and $3000 to cover cost. Given/Done–3000 Bibles packaged/$9,530.56 given to send more.

Build a border outpost in Nepal to intercept sex trafficking victims through Not For Sale. Goal–$25,000. Given–$86,516.72 for 3+ border outposts.

Support a Child Survival project in Indonesia through Compassion International. Goal–100 students x $20 a month for one year = $24,000. Given–205 students x $20 a month for one year = $50,170. (The 12 month commitment represents pledges for this cause).

Package meals through our partner Feed My Starving Children. Goal–package 100,000 meals atPassion 2010 and give $17,500 to cover costs. Given/Done–108,432 meals packaged and $17,533.32 given.

Sponsor children affected by HIV/AIDS in Mozambique with World Vision. Goal–200 students x $35 monthly/package 1000 Caregiver kits. Given–174 students x $35 monthly/1000 caregiver kits assembled.

Drink coffee and fund projects in Ethiopia through our partner Gobeana Coffee. Given–$24,548.

Total given at Passion 2010 = $724,480.42.

IN ADDITION, a family at Passion 2010 matched the total as of Tuesday morning with a gift of $668.597.00.

For a Passion 2010

As well, 14,820 towels and 72,600 pairs of socks were given to assist the homeless shelters of Atlanta.

Obviously, it’s not all about the money. But we know the verse, “where your money is your heart is also,” applies here, and believe many lives have been captured by His global purposes in these days.

Thanks to everyone who joined this amazing cause. Let’s continue to give everything until His grace, hope ad healing are extended to all.

Humbled,
LG

Praise God!

2010-01-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

Today was my 29th birthday (I say "was" because it's 11:30 pm and my birthday privileges are almost over). I talked to my sister on the phone yesterday and she asked me how I felt about being one year away from thirty. I thought about it and answered as candidly as possible; it doesn't scare me ... as a matter of fact, I think I'm excited. My early twenties were such a hodge podge of bad decisions, immaturity and darkness and my later twenties were a time of complete redemption both spiritually and personally. I feel like with the tumult of the last decade, the next one is sure to be one of spiritual, personal, professional and relational bloom. At least that's what I'm asking God for.
So, for those who want to know how I spent my 29th birthday, I'll first ask a question. What is one of the things I like to do most in life? It's something that brings me great pleasure and from which I often ask God for deliverance. I love to eat! So, that's how I spent my day ... I ate my way through it. The morning started with a trip to Chick-fil-A around 11 am for a chicken biscuit and some coffee. If you don't know what Chick-fil-A is, please look it up and drive to one, no matter how far from you it may be. After breakfast, Joseph, Mercy and I went for a drive around Fulton and Forsyth counties. It was an absolutely beautiful day with the partially melted snow still sparkling in bright patches on the ground and the sun shining over the backs of grassy fields and horses manes. Our new home is a truly beautiful place. After taking care of a couple of errands, we drove to Roswell, our new favorite town and made a stop at Krispy Kremes. By this time it was around 2 pm and Mercy was asleep in the car, so we had to make it a drive through event. I have never had a fresh Krispy Kreme right off the belt (even though they had one at the student union at UCLA) and let me tell you, it is a heavenly experience not to be missed. After our doughnut snack we drove around some more to let Mercy get a bit more rest. Around 3pm we decided it was time for lunch and found a super tiny, hole-in-the-wall Greek/Mediterranean place called Baba's. So good! After some Gyro wraps and Greek potatoes (sweet tea to boot) we got back in the car and headed home.
Oddly enough, there are two movies I've been dying to see so we popped one in when we got home. Not to be too theme oriented here but the movies were Food Inc and Julie and Julia. Just writing this, I'm thinking that I need an intervention. I still haven't finished Food Inc but what I did see was crazy convicting. More to come on that later.
To finish off a great day, we spent the evening with the extended Bell family. Dinner was great: Chicken Tortellini with fresh spinach, grilled tomatoes, broccoli and rolls (sweet tea to boot, again) and then ice cream with brownie bites and chocolate sauce. To finish the evening, a few rounds of Wii and some decaf coffee. The night spent laughing with friends was just what a needed after a few days of solitude. Praise be to Jesus!
So, to all of my friends at home who called, Facebooked, texted and emailed Birthday wishes, thank you for remembering me. It means a lot!
Here's to the last year of my twenties. I'm ready to stare my thirties in the face but I'll take the year to practice my game face.

Old Song, New Meaning

2010-01-10T07:39:00.001-08:00

It's too cold today to go to church. The wind is blowing about 20 mph and with the wind chill factor, it feels like six degrees outside. On top of that, the roads are still pretty icy and we don't want to risk driving with the baby. We haven't been out, except for a brief drive, for a couple of days which is making me very homesick. Not getting out to church is also making me really miss our church community at home, Evergreen Baptist Los Angeles. Along with this homesickness comes a small case of the blues. I got in the shower this morning trying to force myself to shake them, but to no avail. Finally, I gave up trying to pep talk myself and just started to repeat "Lord, help me. Lord, help me". This eventually led me to my knees in the shower with the water flowing over my head (and occasionally, up my nose). All I could say was "Jesus, I need you". As I said this and some other words of surrender, a song came back to me that I wrote with a childhood friend when I was eight years old. We used to love to dance and make up songs and one day, we decided that we wanted to write a worship song. As I knelt in the shower repeating "Jesus, I need you", these lyrics came back to me like a bolt of blue. They are trite and silly to an adult but as a child, they meant the world to me.

Jesus, we need you/ we really, really need you
The things you make/ the oceans and the lakes
Jesus, you made the sharks and the ark
You gave us wood to build a house/and then we found a mouse
Great are your works oh Lord
Yeah, Yeah
Great are you works oh Lord
We need you
Great are your works oh Lord
All the time
Great are your works oh Lord
Save us from sin

The rhyming is awful as is most of the song but the things I pull out as a 29 year old are very deep: Jesus, we need you, you made all things, your works are great, you are always great, you save us from our sin! I think this little song will be my mantra as I continually ask God for help during this transition. It's no "Blessed Be Your Name" but I know that God accepts it and is pleased by it nonetheless.

Not in Kansas anymore?

2010-01-09T14:52:00.000-08:00

I've never lived in Kansas. California is Kansas for me and I'm most definitely not there anymore. Now I'm in Georgia. That state made famous by Mr. Ray Charles crooning over his long lost home with passion and grit. That's how I feel about my home today. I guess "California Dreamin'" is my theme song today. I really like our new "home". I also have a nostalgic feeling after only two weeks away. Part of it I attribute to the snow and ice outside which have kept us in for two days now. Another, larger, part I contribute to the news I received from my former boss at Coffee by the Books that Fuller's dean of students, Ruth Vuong, passed away a week ago today unexpectedly. I only knew Ruth from the time I spent on student government as well as from the Coffee Shop. She always ordered Paris tea and a Pecan Stick. It's really silly that I remember her order but that's how you get to know people behind the counter of a coffee bar. Ruth also really liked Mercy and always had a huge smile when she saw her. She had such a peaceful presence whether walking across campus, doing the benediction at chapel or speaking to students one-on-one. I would really like to be back in Pasadena, mourning with the rest of campus and remembering her at her memorial service. My best friend, Natalie, reminded me that I can be with them remembering her in spirit and to not lose sight of why we moved. She told me that she knows that I know that we made the right decision. I know she's right. It's just hard at times like these.
We have been here now for two weeks and they have been two good weeks. We were able to be part of Passion 2010. I had the joy of spending my time with a very lovely eleven-year-old girl whom Mercy just adores. I also got to meet and spend time with Matt Redman's little girl who has the name I originally thought we would name Mercy, which is Maisy. Joseph worked loading in and out furniture for the event and also got to help out running Pro to have slides up for the worship sessions. The time was a real blessing to both of us. It's hard now, though, after being so busy to be so not. I'm praying every day about what my next step should be vocationally. There is a coffee company here called Land of 1000 Hills which I would love to be connected with and for whom I would love to work. I also would love to go back and get my Masters in English so that I can teach at the Junior College level. I also want to spend as much time with Mercy as I possibly can but I want her to grow up with a mom who has a career and a life separate from her. I always felt so proud being able to tell people that my mom was an artist and at the same time, it really didn't matter what she "did" because she was (still is) such an amazing mom. On the other hand, I don't want to be away from Mercy eight hours a day. It would be so great to start and finish my Masters so that when she goes to school, I could go back to work. Of course, by then we'll probably be trying to have a second child. The planner in me wants to have everything figured out and the other part wants to just be still and let God figure it out. Only time will tell.
Sweet little Mercy has had many milestones since we left. She is now eating cereal and had her first tastes of both apples and bananas this week. She is also now saying "mama", although I'm not quite sure if she knows what she's saying. She mostly uses it when she wants something. I'm ok with that. She's very close to saying "dada" and is super close to crawling. As well, she's getting her first tooth. It's right on the surface and we can feel it when we put our finger on her gums. She is such a joy and was a total gerber baby during Passion. I got a number of breaks because of all the people who wanted to hold her. As well, I met lots of people I probably wouldn't have without her. I believe that God has an amazing purpose for her life. I also believe that our move here is part of that. Now if we can just convince our families that they should move here as well.
We have a good surrogate family in our friends, the Bells, as well as their families. We are living with Cheryl Bell's mom, Dianne, and she is absolutely wonderful. She has a wonderful sense of humor and we feel so comfortable in her home. Her husband passed away a year ago this February and so I think the arrangement has worked out well for all of us. She may be ready to kick us out soon but I think we're still in good because she has told us that we have to promise to visit when we do move. We are excited to be able to start house hunting soon. We never could've afforded anything back home but it looks like we'll be able to buy a home here. There are some really lovely homes starting at $150,000 and with the tax credit, it may be a great time to buy. We originally thought we wanted to be closer to the city but Cumming is really growing on me. As we drive around, we see horses in fields, old barns and lots of trees. It's also close to lots of restaurants and shopping (about 15 miles) so we don't feel like we are super isolated.
We would really covet the prayers of our friends and family as we continue to look for sustainable work which provides both income and insurance as well as a permanent place to live. Passion City Church could use your prayers for the provision of a church building. God has been so good to us and we are so excited to see what He will do in 2010! As much as I miss California, I'm thankful to be in Georgia with a new start and a new year.

A New Week. A New State.

2009-12-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

Today finds us in Longview, Texas just a hop, skip and jump away from the Louisiana border. Thus far I have viewed the driving portion of our journey as merely a means to an end; we needed to get to Atlanta and to do that we had to drive through Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. However, today starts with a feeling of anticipation and excitement as we venture into Louisiana, both because it is a state I have never visited and because we are now over half way to Atlanta.
Thankfully, Mercy slept well the last two nights in complete contrast to the two nights before that when she felt the need to sleep very close to me and nurse all night long. We think that she is going through her six-month growth stage because she seems to look longer every time we change her out of her sleepers into her day clothes. She also had a milestone moment yesterday when she drank milk out of a sippy cup. I know that to most of the world this seems totally anticlimactic, but to those of us who are breastfeeding moms, this is brilliant! She doesn't like bottles but with the new found acceptance of the sippy cup, Mom (that's me) can get a break. As well, we're pretty sure that she's ready for solid food because whenever one of us holds her in our lap while we're eating, she starts sucking on her tongue and reaching out to grab whatever we have. We're trying to put off starting solids but I think we're going to have to break on this one.
We noticed yesterday that as we left Abilene and started heading further east, trees began to appear at first just in little clumps along the road and eventually sprouted into entire forests. It's amazing how Texas seems to be divided right in the middle with the east showing mainly plains and the west bearing quite dense forests. I'm really looking forward to the drive today to see how the landscape changes as we head further east. We've been in the desert so long that I can't wait to see some serious green. Thankfully, the weather has been amazing and we've been able to drive without much thought to preparations for any sort of conditions. Longview, where we spent the night last night, had some fog roll in, but that should burn off by late morning. Hopefully, we'll have some more pictures to put up after today's journey. I pray that we make it as far east as we can before the day's over.

Getting Out the Door

2009-12-13T07:24:00.001-08:00

I can't believe that we have now been on the road for a week! The original plan was to leave in time to get to Atlanta by Joseph's Birthday on the 11th but, of course, the best laid plans ... Instead, we spent his birthday mostly on the road with a stop in Deming, New Mexico, the birthplace of his maternal grandfather, and Van Horn, Texas, where we got some authentic Tex Mex in a little hole in the wall joint just outside of El Paso. While we got out later than we had planned, there is no doubt that God's timing was/is perfect. We started getting down to serious packing last Saturday and got most everything boxed and ready to go in our trailer by Sunday morning. Joseph stayed up all night on Sunday trying to get the trailer loaded before the first wave of rain storms rolled in to Southern California. My amazing husband and our dear friend Kas re-packed our trailer three times before they got it balanced and road-ready. Some residents and retired missionaries at Casa Robles where we live saw that we were struggling to get on the road and graciously offered their hospitality. It started with inviting us over for dinner and then breakfast and then lunch and eventually ended in them giving us a key and letting us stay the night in their guest room. I was blessed by spending time in their home and hearing their stories about being in the missionary field in Bolivia and South Africa. No doubt, spending time with them bolstered my faith in the middle of a very frustrating start to our trip.
After multiple repacking attempts and a few trailer hiccups, we finally got on the road at 5 pm on Tuesday night! Though we knew we couldn't get very far, we were thankful to be out of our apartment and finally started towards Atlanta. Another blessing which seemed to come out of our late departure was that Joseph's parents, Jerry and Olivia, were in Arizona and drove up to meet us in Indio. At one point, we had all talked about driving to Atlanta together. Now, here we are on Sunday morning in Abilene, Texas and they are still on the road with us and are planning to go all the way to Atlanta. Praise God! As well, since they have their RV, they took over hauling the trailer which is a great relief to our little 1987 Volvo. We have now traveled with them for 5 days and have enjoyed great visiting time.
Mercy is a great little traveler and is doing so well! We are hoping to get to Atlanta by Tuesday. We'll try to keep up with blogging as we go!

The Meal

2009-08-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

The idea of "the meal" has been on my mind lately. This may be because I'm now a stay-at-home mom and am enjoying exercising my creative meal-planning muscles or because I have taken an interest in sustainable living, but I think it runs much deeper than that. I find that God tends to meet us where we are in ways that are immensely more deep and complicated than we can imagine. I could say that God meets me in the kitchen when I cook, which is true. I could say that God meets me in the grocery store when I shop for food, which is true. I could say that God meets me in the planning of my weekly meals, which is also true. I think, however, that where God meets me the most is in the consumption of the meal itself. Not that the pleasure of the food is so great that God must be in it, but rather that the experience of sharing a meal with my family is in and of itself a part of God's design for His people. On one level, the communal aspect of eating is very spiritual and I want to extend my table beyond myself and my family. On the other hand, though, I think the communal aspect of a meal is a greater metaphor for God's extension of grace to the entirety of humanity. I reflect on meals in the Bible and how in first-century Judaism, meals were shared amongst the Jews as a sign of their oneness with God and their being chosen. Meals were used to commemorate historical events and to recognize God's provision and fulfilled promise as given through the law. And yet, when Jesus sits with sinners and shares a meal, he is in essence extending that promise outside of the Jewish table and to the rest of humanity. The meals that Jesus shares in the New Testament are symbolic of Jesus' role as the extension of God's favor on the world. The picture of Jesus' meal-sharing is portrayed in the New Testament as a specific example of how we are to commune with the world around us. Our tables are not just for our own families and communities but are meant for the broken, misled, un-churched, un-polished, outsiders, uncomfortable and unwanted members of our own neighborhoods. In extending the invitation to share a meal, we are re-enacting God's extension of grace on us. "The Meal" is so much more than the provision of food for our bodies; it is an opportunity to be an extension of the provision of food for the soul.

Thankful Conservation

2009-07-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

I know I am starting to sound like one of those tree-hugging California grown-girls who only wears Birkenstocks and belongs to the Sierra Club, but for the sake of posterity (I always feel like that word makes people seem so self-righteous) I am going to write this post anyways and expose my husband and I to any eye-rolling naysayers. Joseph brought home buckets today. "Buckets?", you say. Yep, buckets. California is in a massive drought right now. I read a statistic today that said that every minute we shower takes up four to six gallons of water. If we cut our daily shower by just one minute, we would save about 1500 gallons in a year. That is an eye-opener for me. Now, usually I am the kind of person that says, "Yeah, so what? I am one person and doing something like cutting down my shower time really isn't going to make an impact". You know what though, I'm done thinking that way. Whether or not it makes a large impact isn't the point. There is something to say about what I will call the spiritual discipline of "conservation". It may seem silly but I'm starting to think about some of the things I take for granted, like hot, free-flowing water, as a place where I am lacking knowledge of the Creator God in my life. Oddly enough, what really got Joseph and I thinking about this was our daughter, Mercy. She is really susceptible to diaper rash and even though we use cloth diapers and washable cloth wipes, it seems that she still has the rash. The only way to prevent it seems to be to wash her little bum under the water every time we change her diaper. For new parents, the thought of running our baby's little tush under ice-cold water is heart-breaking, so we've been running the water until it gets warm. However, in the meantime all of that cold water has just been washed down the drain. Thus, the buckets. Now we have one small bucket in each of our sinks (the bathroom and kitchen) and one larger bucket in the shower. Since we have a garden and a fair amount of flowers in the little yard surrounding our house, we can save the water to use for our plants. I also did a little shower experiment today and put the large bucket under the shower head while I bathed. It was amazing how much water I collected in just a five-minute shower! We'll probably put the buckets away when we have people over but it actually feels really good to be doing my "unimportant, not-going-to-make-a-difference part". I am seeing it as part of my daily observation and reminder of how much God provides for my family and how often it goes completely unnoticed. I am practicing the spiritual discipline of conservation. I am appreciating abundance in the midst of drought.

Fresh, Organic Vegetables with a Side of Hope

2009-07-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

"What is a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) Program? Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) is a unique model of local agriculture. Its origins reach back almost 40 years to Japan where a group of women concerned about the increase in food imports and the corresponding decrease in the farming population initiated a direct growing and purchasing relationship between their group and local farms. This arrangement, called 'teikei' in Japanese, translates to 'putting the farmers' face on food.' This concept traveled to Europe, and in 1985, was adapted for the U.S. and given the name 'Community Supported Agriculture' at Indian Line Farm, Massachusetts. According to the US Department of Agriculture, Community Supported Agriculture consists of a community of individuals who pledge support to a farm operation so that the farmland becomes, in effect, the community's farm, with the growers and consumers providing mutual support and sharing the risks and benefits of food production. It is estimated that there are now over 1500 CSA farms across North America". -From the ewent website.

If you have never heard of a CSA or Community Supported Agriculture program, you are not in the minority. This is especially true for those of us who have never really known where our food comes from let alone where the closest local farm can be found. Being a Pasadena native, I was almost positive that the only way for me to truly "shop local" was to visit farmer's markets, drive to Tehachapi or simply grow my own food. However, there is another option right here in my own backyard. Our very own community has a local CSA where you can not only support a local grower through your purchases of organic, seasonal produce, but also support local youth. The Earthworks Community Farm in El Monte has established a program whereby at-risk youth are taught the art of organic farming in order to give them a greater perspective on their world. As the website states:

"EarthWorks brings together young adults from the San Gabriel Valley Conservation Corps, who grow vegetables, fruits, and flowers, help maintain the farm, and sell fresh produce as part of the SGVCC program. Youth work in teams to plant, harvest, mulch, weed and more. Some participants will have the chance to sell flowers and vegetables at our weekly produce stand. They also harvest vegetables for our Community Supported Agriculture program (our weekly vegetable share) and to give to area food banks. Our farm offers a place where young people can experience and explore ideas of community, service, healthy lifestyles, and leadership.

During their time at the farm, youth will experience all the work necessary for maintaining a 4-acre organic farm. We will also explore how farms and the food system impact the environment. They will participate in games and initiatives designed to create community and build leadership skills. Also, they will participate in workshops to increase their awareness of hunger and homelessness, diversity, nutrition, and sustainability".

The benefits of belonging to a CSA run deep. Not only do you have direct relationship with a local farm, you also support the farm through both a membership fee as well as volunteer hours. In return, you receive a weekly bag of produce as well as opportunities for free-pick times when you can walk through the garden and take your pick of specialty produce and flowers. I think about the various benefits our family will enjoy being involved in this program; not only will we receive amazing food, but we will also be able to take Mercy out to the farm for work days when she is a bit older and teach her the joys of God's provision through gardening. What a gift to give our little girl!

If you are interested in more information, check out the farm's website at www.ewent.org. The CSA season runs from March - November (35 weeks total), but it isn't too late to join. An entire season's membership is $700 but they will prorate your fee if you join mid-season. The cost breaks down to about $20/week, which is a small fee for an entire bag of organic fruits and veggies, not to mention the joy of seeing young people flourish in their own communities. I challenge Joseph and I to go through an entire bag in a week. As a matter of fact, sharing a bag with another family might be the way to go. I'm ready to put my money where my mouth is as a Christian and be responsible for our earth and for others. Supporting a CSA is a small step and one I am excited to take.

Kitchen Experiments

2009-07-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

While in graduate school I picked up many life-giving skills. Amongst my learning in the spiritual disciplines, American church history, Christian ethics and social justice, I also attained zen-like heights of being able to take anything that I happen to have sitting in my kitchen and turning it into a relatively well-balanced meal. This morning I proved to myself that this particular skill still resides with me.

I was laying in bed last night feeding Mercy when I realized that something was bothering me. When I searched my mind a bit more deeply, I realized that what had me so mind-tangled and distracted was a batch of rice that a friend had brought over for dinner along with a roast and some wonderful vegetables. The roast and vegetables were long gone but the rice was still sitting in its foil container looking pretty sad and lonely. It was a good batch of wild rice mixed with pine nuts and sesame seeds but it had gone dry over the last couple of days. It wasn't necessarily the state of the rice that was bothering me, but the fact that I knew in a couple of days it would get tossed, along with a few other un-eaten items in our fridge. So, I started to go through all of the possible uses for this particular rice. I fell asleep with this on the brain and when I woke up this morning I found myself very excited to open the fridge and cupboards to see what I could throw together. When Joseph came home at lunch and I had gotten Mercy down for a little nap, I did just that and here's the recipe I came up with.

Kitchen Sink Wild Rice Salad

4 cups cooked wild rice

1 cup raw pine nuts

1-2 cups dried raisins, yellow raisins, currents and cranberries (pre-mixed from Trader Joes)

1 green apple, finely diced

1 yellow bell pepper, finely diced

1/2 avocado, cubed

2-3 basil leaves, chopped very fine

1/2 - 1 cup of any brand of Raspberry Vinaigrette

(this would be great with left-over chicken as well, but I didn't have any)

Mix all ingredients together in a mixing bowl and let chill for an hour or so to mix the flavors. You can also throw in any left-over veggies that are sitting around. That's why it's called a kitchen sink salad. Enjoy!!!

From "Simply in Season: Recipes that celebrate fresh, local foods in the spirit of More-with-Less"

2009-07-12T15:03:00.001-07:00

" All the things we use, all the things we make, everything we manipulate, everything we accumulate, derives from the creation itself. If we learn to seek godly contentment as our great gain, we will take and shape less of God's earth. We will demand less from the land. We will leave room for other creatures. We will responsibly exercise dominion over the earth and will preserve it. We will thus allow creation to heal itself and to perpetuate its fruitfulness, to the praise of its Creator" - Calvin B. DeWitt, President of Au Sable Institute of Environmental Studies.

Sometimes you read something that simply resonates with you and makes your heart sing in a way that inspires you to do better. This is one of those quotes for me.

Small Imprint, Big Impact: Our Family Garden

2009-07-11T15:04:00.000-07:00

I am sitting right now with my one-month old daughter, Mercy, sleeping comfortably in her Maya sling whilst snuggled up against my chest and allowing me to enjoy some delicious tomatoes and basil from the garden that Joseph planted behind our little cottage just a few months before she was born. There is something immensely satisfying about both of these things; wearing Mercy close to my chest while being able to have my hands free makes me feel like an accomplished baby whisperer who is able to love my child and be productive at the same time. I feel like a Guatemalan woman enjoying the simple pleasures of my hearth and home while syncing my heart beat up to that of the sleeping baby close to my breast. As well, eating a meal of vegetables from the garden my husband planted makes me feel both closer to the Earth, and thus to God, as well as closer to my husband. There is something immensely sensual about gardening. I feel like my hunter-gatherer husband is out providing for his family. In a sense, that is exactly what he is doing.

Since we started picking fruits and veggies from our garden late last Spring, we have enjoyed the simplicity of walking out back and grabbing strawberries, tomatoes, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, squash, basil, mint, thyme and figs. We are looking forward to the cantaloupe that is currently flowering. I feel like I have a farmer's market in my backyard. There is something very sacred about growing your own food that goes way beyond the benefits of the green movement. When I buy a tomato from the regular market, I automatically feel like it is disposable. Often Joseph and I buy veggies that we don't eat right away and they end up in the trash. Not only is that a waste of production and our money, but it feels like slapping my Creator in the face for the provision that God so abundantly provides for us. On the other hand, when Joseph brings in the latest round of tomatoes that are warm from the sun and right off the vine, I can't wait to eat them. Usually, they get sliced up and served within minutes and then I am left waiting for the next yield. I have to admit that I'm not as good about cooking the zucchini and squash right away, mostly because it takes more prep time. However, when I do get around to sauteing them or slicing them to put on the grill, there is nothing better. I currently have a larger than life zucchini that I am hoping to use to make zucchini bread.

Now, while I am getting to enjoy the fruit of "my" labor, I have a confession to make: this has not been my labor at all. From the start, Joseph was the one who cleared the space out back, shopped for the seeds and plants, weeded and watered faithfully and continues to keep up the garden. I have never had the green thumb that I should have inherited from my garden fairy of a grandmother (my mother didn't inherit it either, so I don't feel too bad). In my own defense, I was 6 months pregnant when we started the garden and so I couldn't get down in the dirt with Joseph, which I rather think I would have enjoyed. I did go with him to pick out the varieties of vegetables and it has been immensely gratifying to see them come up out of the ground and be able to enjoy them. I just need to go on record as saying that I have had little to nothing to do with the garden other than eating what comes out of it.

As I am able to enjoy the benefit of having the small yard in which to be able to grow food, it makes me think of so many other simple living tasks I have written down in my mental checklist to accomplish sooner than later. Just last weekend Joseph and I met a really interesting and unique couple, Danielle and Todd, who really take living green seriously. Danielle writes for yourdailythread.com, which is a local online green publication. It seemed that they were vegetarians, or at least very conscientious eaters, as they brought their own brown rice and bok choy to the BBQ where we were eating with friends. We got to talking and the conversation made me really want to explore more ways of simple, green living. I hope to continue to seek and search out new ways to live more simply and with sustainability in mind. For now, my little garden reminds me of how God truly provides in a tangible way that allows me to be physically part of the gift.

Missing Armenia

2008-11-30T00:33:00.000-08:00

Today is Sunday November 30th (I think) and I am sitting here writing this post from my bed at the Holiday Inn at London Heathrow. Joseph and I finished our 10 day visit to Armenia yesterday, flying back through Moscow on our way here to London. We got in last night and had dinner in our room, which was a treat, and then went straight to bed. I am feeling a bit more like myself, praise God, as this cold of mine in starting to subside.

We said goodbye to Roy and Chris Cochran yesterday, which was hard as they were our travel companions, co-teachers and close friends for the last 10 days. We also said goodbye to our Armenian-American brother, Tom, who became a great friend over these last 10 days. I told Joseph as we boarded our plane for London that it was like losing limbs as we said good bye to people. We said goodbye to Tom and we lost an arm. Then we said goodbye to Chris and Roy and we last our legs. All we have left is one arm each and so Joseph and I must hold onto each other for all we are worth :) It is good to be together just the two of us again but I sincerely miss the laughter, jokes, squished cab rides and long meals that we shared.

Everytime I try to sit and write about our time in Armenia in order to let friends and family know what it was like, I get stuck. I think my brain and body are still taking it all in and figuring it out. It was a hard place, for sure. The stamp of the Soviet Era is still well imprinted on the place. Tom jokingly taught us a phrase that sums up relations between most people which is, "I am fine, you are fine" (with thick Armenian accent). It's kind of funny to say but it is so true. The ethos i "I mind my business, you mind yours ... everything is ok". Here is an illustration. On our way to church on Sunday, we drove past a crowd that was huddled around a woman on the ground. Tom, Roy and Joseph got out of the car to see what was going on. Chris and I stayed in the car and prayed, figuring that they didn't need more people taking oxygen. When Tom came back in the car, he was flustered and a bit angry. The women, who was elderly, had been hit by a car and was bleeding from her head. No one was calling an ambulence and no one was taking her injury seriously. She just kept saying that she wanted to go home. When Tom suggested that she needed to go to the hospital, everyone got angry with him. As we talked about it more , I got the sense of oppression and how th enemy works in a cultural context.

It's breakfast time, so we're going to go eat. More to come later!

Preparations...

2008-11-20T02:56:00.000-08:00

We just wrapped a planning meeting with the pastor and worhsip leader of our local host church. Our sharing and sense of common vision was beyond anyone's expectation. It iturns out that the pastor and worship leader are both suberb musicians. In fact, the pastor taught music at a seminary in Russia and also spent five years compiling and transcribing new and traditional songs of worship for a newly published Armenian hymnal. It is overwhelming and humbling to particate in this workshop.

We start things off tomorrow morning. About thirty people from seven to ten different churches are expected to participate. PLEASE PRAY FOR US! We'll work through a loose outline that I've been putting together. Each day we'll spend time looking into the Psalms. Also, daily we will worship together with various participants leading the group. We want to emphasize working together to articulate core values which are both shared and expressed in the context of diversity. It's still a bit fuzzy... so PLEASE PRAY for clarity of vision and communication.

Armenia ... we are here!

2008-11-20T02:43:00.000-08:00

We have now been in Armenia for 2 full days. We arrived in Yerevan at about 3:30 in the morning on Wednesday (Tuesday at 3:30 pm US time). We were greeted by Darren who is the person who has invited us out to spend the week here. After getting into the guest house where we are staying, we met Tom who is running the guest house while we are here. We drank tea and talked for a bit before we decided to try to get some sleep. We were all able to sleep until about 1 pm and then got dressed to go out into the village where we are staying. We walked through the streets to get to the market. It was amazing to see the places where people live. Many of them have blown out windows with only light curtains. The Soviet era is very visible here. The ghosts and bones of a very ancient culture seem buried underneath the minimalistic buildings. We visited an apostolic Armenian church which was built in 1270. It was small and very beautiful. It is funny to me to think that it wasn't for another 200 years that we had the visitation of Columbus that we think of as the furthest back our Anglo history goes in America. After visiting the church we continued walking through the village. There is a particular smell in Yerevan because people don't have trash pickup but instead burn all of their garbage. The city itself is quite polluted and you can smell the ashe and smoke in the air. After getting to the market, we walked through the stalls until settling on some lamb, vegetables and herbs to take home. We took a very squished taxi ride home and began settling in for the night. We were all exhausted and unfortunately, the Armenian culture is a late culture. While dinner took a long time to prepare, it was well worth the wait. We had a dinner of roasted lamb, pasta, herbs, lavash and cheese. It was so amazing. They take the herbs, all different kinds, and wrap them up in the lavash and eat it plain. It was delicious. After dinner and clean up we were all wiped out. We went to bed with full tummies and thankfulness.

Day 1 - London

2008-11-18T02:49:00.001-08:00

Since Joseph took a couple minutes to write something, I figure it is only right for me to do the same. If I forget how to spell, skip words or don't make sense, please forgive me. After the nine and a half hour flight from London and the four and a half hours waiting here in the London Heathrow airport for our next flight, nothing seems to be making much sense. We had a very fast flight into London and sat next to an adorable little boy named Nicholas. He was 10 months old and an amazing traveler. This is, of course, justification for our notions of travel when our little one is young and it was awesome to see a mom and baby travel so well and stress-free together.

Joseph and I have been blessed with what feels like great favor from where we sat on the plane, to the people who have helped us at ticket counters, to good food and feeling healthy. It has also been great to have some time to continue our preparations for the workshop we will be doing in Armenia. We are off to our next flight in about 2 and a half hours ... Moscow first, then Yerevan, Armenia!

LONDON LAYOVER

2008-11-18T02:34:00.000-08:00

Hey... it is Joseph here. I am stealing a few lines on the blog while Jaime is not looking. WE ARE SO GRATEFUL! Wow. The outpouring of support has been a huge blessing - which makes the feeling of grace and favor even deeper. This is an amazing privilege!!!

As the Eagle Flies. Thank you Catalina Family!

2008-11-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

This morning, Joseph and I got off the Catalina Express boat at about 11:15 am and said goodbye to some dear "family" that we got to spend time with this weekend praying, worshipping, laughing and just hanging out. Our friends Annie and Fran invited us out to Emerald Bay for their weekend retreat with Derek and Terry from Harvest Rock. We came out ready to be refreshed through worship and fellowship but I'm not quite sure that either of us were totally prepared for the encounter we were going to have with God's Holy Spirit. At least, I wasn't prepared for it. I expected to get to have a great time of fellowship and to enjoy the beauty of our surroundings. What I was met with was the thick fog of the Holy Spirit. Saturday afternoon and evening were filled with worship unlike anything I've ever experienced. For me, it felt like there was so much freedom and connection. Many people shared feeling and seeing the presence of angels around us during worship. It was as if we were all being prepared for something through the process worshipping together. Truly, that is what I believe was happening. It seemed that everyone that was there was there for a specific reason. This was only impressed upon me more on Sunday. Each of us had the opportunity to be commissioned for whatever God might be calling us to. It was so powerful to be prayed over and to feel sent out from this group of people and from God to do the work that has been set before us. As the praying and prophecying happened, I felt the burden of fear, anxiety, stress and unworthiness fall right off of me. I felt so absolutely connected to everyone that was in the room. As each one went up for prayer, though I had just recently met many of them, God really touched my heart for them and brought to a place of deep prayer and groaning for each of their live's missions. This weekend in Catalina was ordained by God! We are so immensely greatful to the Lord for the opportunity to be there and so immensely greatful to our Catalina Family for sending us out and supporting us spiritually and physically. It is humbling to be loved in so grand a manner!

Trees, Fruit, Conformity and the Like

2008-05-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

Last night at our youth group for the ladies Katie brought the goods and continued our conversation about what it means to buck conformity to this world and to find our identity in Christ. She really did well dealing with the truth that even those of us who have rebellious streaks and take pride in not conforming are doing just that by finding our identity in non-conformity. We all conform to something whether we like it or not. We talked about the fact that Jesus Christ didn't conform to the world because he understood his purpose and the way the Father loved him. He even chastised others for getting in the way of the will of the Father. At one point, we discussed why we feel the need to conform to this world. The answers varied from acceptance to belonging to the need for identity to the need for love. Katie dropped the bomb when she told us that the desire not to conform can become an idol in our lives. The desire to be different can be so powerful that we can put it above what God wants. "Kimmie, what if God doesn't want you to write anymore?" "Jaime what if God wanted you to give up singing?" "Niki, what if you couldn't wear black anymore?" "Katie what if God wanted you to dress like a prep and take 10 showers a day?" Gulp! Are any of us really willing to give up our identity for God. I think that in light of ministry, I would have to ask the same thing. I think that often those in ministry make idols out of their desire to be known as the pastor or the worship leader or the whatever. I know that often when I had positions of leadership and or ministry at Fuller I had a really hard time giving up my title and my desire to be seen as important and useful in that role. I think that many times that idol in my life led me to leave God out so that I could do what I "knew" was best. Man!! Looking back I had the opportunity to do a lot of damage. Praise God that he protected me as well as others from me.
Katie ended our discussion by talking about John 15:1-8 and the imagery of the true vine, the gardener, the branches and the fruit. It was cool to see the group (myself included) really come to study and understand the idea that for our own good and the good of others, God cuts off those branches that don't bear fruit. Sometimes that represents people and sometimes that represents parts of people. I think that for most, the analogy means to say that God in God's loving nature, lops off those parts of us that don't produce good and loving actions and ways. He lops them off so that we can't hurt ourselves and others. I pray that God would continue to go to town on me, lopping and sawing and trimming and clipping until I bear the kind of heavy, ripe and wonderful fruit that pleases God. Oooooh, art project for us girls: To bring in a picture of us and draw around a picture of our face the tree that we want to become. May be silly, but I'm visual. It could be a powerful reminder of who we are when we abide in Christ.

Identity in ...

2008-04-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

Last night at our women's youth group we talked about Romans 12:1-2 and the idea of our identity. Katie challenged us to write down some of the things that we currently find our identity in. I would be very foolish to think that this is an exercise which would only benefit the younger women in our group. It strikes a chord in my heart to realize that even though I am older and wiser than I used to be, I still find a false sense of strength in things other than the identity that God has given to me. So, here are some of the things that I find my identity in right now:
1) My Education and status as an educated person: It makes me feel good to be able to tell people that I went to UCLA and then to Fuller. Often my B.A. and M.A. make me feel more important than the person that I became through my educational experiences.
2) My music: I really should be more specific and say that I often find my identity in my ability as a singer. When people approve of or genuinely like my music and my voice, I feel like they approve of or genuinely like me.
3) My past rebellion and sin: I don't know why but I do feel like I am often able to relate to people in a really shallow way by talking about my past sin, my tattoos, my past piercings, my crazy stories, etc. With some Christians who have had similar experiences it feels like we can relate better if we identify ourselves with our past sin patterns instead of with where we have grown out of those patterns. Also, with Christians who have walked a pretty straight path but align themselves with edgier people, I find myself feeling more valuable to them because of some of my experiences during my more vulnerable and rebellious times.

So there are three things although I know that there are more that I am too tired to dig out right now.

Speaking Life to Lovely Creatures

2008-04-27T14:18:00.001-07:00

Last night Joseph and I went to a youth worship night at a Vineyard church in Arcadia. It was three separate youth groups that met together to worship, share testimonies and fellowship together. At one point, one of the youth Pastors, Theo, got up and shared his life verse. I had the thought earlier in the service that I would like to ask God to lead me to a life verse. Funny ... Theo shared his not long after that thought popped in and I wrote it down in my Moleskine. Not that I want to yoink Theo's life verse but I really like it so I'm going to write it here. Romans 12:1-2: "I appeal to you therefore (siblings) by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect". I'm supposed to talk tomorrow night at our youth group girl's meeting that Katie and I just got going last week. I've been wondering what to speak on and I have found myself just whispering to God all week, "What can I talk about? What do you want for them? Do I have any freaking thing to say of worth?". I think God weaves things together from lots of scraps. I'd like to make an art project some day from scraps of things that have either been discarded or broken or are just small and seem insignificant. I would like to make them into something beautiful. I am going to speak about this verse tomorrow and even as i write this I am seeing God weave things together. Like this: okay, many of the girls in the group describe themselves as Goth. They want to be radical and out there and seen that way. The Christian faith when lived to it's fullest is the most radical form of self love, love for others and self-expression/self-knowledge that I have ever encountered. I really want the girls to get that. I still want to get that. Praise God!!! Maybe God can use my pathetic attempts at connecting with these lovely girls after all. Time to pray ... I'll be back.

So I'm praying and God reminded me how easy it can seem to just become radical and leave God to sit it out. Not okay! Radical comes from God. No leaving God out. If you do, you're just a poser!

Deborah The Prophetess, An Ancient Voice for Modern Women

2008-04-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

Deborah was both a prophetess and a wife. It is interesting that the writer of Judges makes reference to this. The writer places Deborah in the context of her people, Israel, as well as in the context of family with her husband, Lappidoth. It says that during the time that Jabin, King of Canaan, was ruling Israel, the people of God cried out because of their oppression. During this time it is Deborah who is judging Israel. The use of the word "judge" is particular here because in Judges 2:16-18 it says, "Then the Lord raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen to their judges, for they whored after other gods and bowed down to them. They soon turned aside from the way in which their fathers had walked, who had obeyed the commandments of the Lord, and they did not do so. Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he (or she) saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge"(English Standard Version). So with the title of "judge" which is given Deborah, it is implicit that God is on her and is using her as a leader figure for her people, the Israelites.

Deborah is known as a judge amongst her people and it is her post to sit under the palm of Deborah and judge the people of Israel. She was obviously given this post both by God and through the recognition by her people of her position. I find this interesting and very personal because there is something powerful in the recognition by one's community which understands and supports a gifting. Often I feel very frustrated because of my musical gifting and my inability to take a step out on faith that God will provide financial blessing and ministry opportunities through my music. It is often when others within my "community", be it family, friends, or acquaintances, encourage my gifting that there is a greater understanding of the weight and responsibility of the gifting. I imagine that it was both because of God's call as well as the understanding of that call by her community that Deborah was able to confidently live into her role as a prophetess and the mouth-piece for God.

Deborah is not only a stationary prophetess, but is also recognized as a summoning prophetess or one who calls others to her in order to deliver a message. In other words, there are those who come to her voluntarily as well as those that come to her because she has called them for a particular word from God. It is as the summoning prophetess that Barak, the son of Abinoam, encounters Deborah. She summons him to remind him that God has specifically told him to gather his men at Mt. Tabor in order to defeat Sisera, the commander of the army for king Jabin. In this passage, the reader gets the feeling that Barak has been avoiding this word from God and the impeding duty that he is meant to do. Deborah serves as a reminder, but her role does not step there. It is after Barak says that he will only go if Deborah goes along that Deborah tells him, "I will surely go with you. Nevertheless, the road on which you are going will not lead to your glory, for the Lord will sell Sisera into the hand of a woman" Holy Macabees! The hand of a woman! What that must have felt like for Barak. Because of his disobedience to God and his lack of trust, not only is he subject to God's scolding from a woman, he will lose his glory to the hand of the woman. This woman is Jael, the wife of Heber, and it is she who houses Sisera under the pretense of safety and then drives a tent peg into his forehead killing him. Some may read this as an insult to women because Barak is meant to take this news as an insult. However, humankind's understanding is not God's and I believe that God honors the faithfulness of his daughters who are receptive to God's leading. This story offers me not only personal hope in my own calling, but also hope of the sisterhood of God who are designed to live in the fullness of love, encouragement and support of one another. Deborah followed God's leading to use Jael to bring peace to Israel and thus was a part of God's design to use and honor women in the work of God's mercy to those who are God's people.

The SOLD Project

2008-04-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

Check out the Video Sidebar and click on the top box to see the teaser for the SOLD Project's video coming out next Fall. This film is going to take a personal look at the effects of human trafficking and I have some friends who are working on the project. Please check it out!

Juno

2008-04-23T23:24:00.000-07:00

Joseph and I just watched the movie Juno. A friend who doesn't really know me told me I would love it. I did but I think for different reasons than she imagined. I found most of it to be really unrealistic. It is hard to imagine a teenage girl being so indifferent about the idea of giving up her baby. I also don't know of many young teens who are so open about being pregnant in front of shop clerks. However, the two scenes that I found most endearing caught my emotional attention because of their honesty. The first is the scene after Juno has had her son and her boyfriend Paulie comes to lay down beside her. The voice overdub says that he decided not to see his son and she decided the same. At that moment, the audience sees Paulie put his arm around Juno as she begins to play with his fingers and cry. The honesty in that scene touches my heart immensely. My second favorite scene is the closing scene which takes place in the summer almost a full year after Juno finds out she is pregnant. The movie closes with Juno and her boyfriend playing guitar and singing a song together on the front steps of his house. This is a perfect closer as the song has been heard a few times throughout the film. All in all, I found Juno to be a fairytale portrayal of a real-life issue. I did enjoy it ...

Coffee Shop Courier 3.14.08

2008-03-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

Friday March 14, 2008

Rebekka hummed as she prepared for another day of customer community and wonderful pointless banter. Looking around, one could easily see that there was a system to her morning. She was the opener and, as the title suggests, she was responsible for the day's beginning. She was the stage-setter, the set-designer, the mood-regulator. Rebekka was the creator in these moments. There was no hint of frustration; no beads of sweat turning into salt wrinkles on her brow. Nope. This was her time and she defended it with the upturned corners of her mouth and the good vibrations pouncing out of her rosy cheeks.

It was into this warm something that I walked at 6:45 am. “Good morning Miss Rebekka”. “Goot Mornin’”, she replied with her bubbly German lilt. “It seems that you have gotten most everything already done for the day and you still have ten minutes to spare. Can I do anything for you?” She stood with her head cocked to the side for a quick minute. She looked like one of those oddly beautiful cartoon characters in a Disney movie; maybe a wide-eyed puppy from Lady and the Tramp or some winsome friend of a syrup-voiced princess. “Sur, I habn’t gotten to da refilling da copfee yet”, she said thoughtfully. There was something in her reply that was inviting and full of encouragement and trust. I felt like I had been invited into the fun! “Great, I would love to fill those for you”. And that’s what I did. At 6:50 am, I stood cheerfully behind the light oak counter with the squishy mats underneath my flip-flopped feet and filled the grinder hoppers from a bag of rich, umber beans.

Familairity breeds ... pure love

2008-03-04T20:32:00.001-08:00

Ever heard that weird line "familiarity breeds contempt"? It's an interesting thought. Basically it means to say that the more time you spend with someone, the more you find them absolutely annoying and atrociously obnoxious. I really and truly used to believe in this saying. It seemed fair; the more time that you spend with someone, the more you get to know their less idealistic sides. A friend I knew in seminary used to say that it was a psychological fact that all of the things one finds intriguing in a romantic partner, one later finds to be the thing that is the most frustrating after becoming committed. So the guy who really digs the girl who is always looking really made-up and prettied can't stand the way that his now-girlfriend takes 20 minutes to put on lipstick and makes them late for everything. In the same way, the girl that is attracted to the quiet guy who is really sweet and genuine later is frustrated that he never wants to go out and socialize.

Now with that background I go back to the fact that I used to believe that "familiarity breeds contempt". I say that I "used" to believe that because after celebrating my first half of a year with my husband by going away to British Columbia together for a friend's wedding, I have found the opposite to be true. Instead of familiarity breeding contempt, sarcasm, boredom or anything of that nature, familiarity has bred pure love. This excites me because I believe that this will only continue to happen the further down the road we get. Also, as we become more familiar with praying with each other, reading together, eating together, sleeping together, driving together and everything else together, I become more aware of what my husband needs. I become more attuned to him as a person. I count this as such a blessing because I really and truly know how much I don't deserve this kind of joy in my life. I count it only as a gift from God. I am so excited to wake up every morning with my best friend and say, "I am yours and you are mine. Let's take on the day".

Woman at the Well - The First Theologian

2008-02-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday my pastor preached about the woman at the well. Obviously I've heard this story a number of times and I have studied it a bit at Fuller. However, I saw it with new eyes this time and as my pastor encouraged us to go home and read the story again and to meditate on it further, I found myself gaining new insights and asking new questions.

One thing that I found to be quite profound is that when the woman recognizes Jesus as a "prophet" her first question is about worship. She is a Samarian and therefore differentiates herself by where she and her people choose to worship. She asks Jesus about the right way/place to worship ... "Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship". This woman does not know that Jesus is the Messiah but she knows that he has something to offer her. Jesus replies that worship isn't about the place in which one worships or the "right way" within the existing paradigm, but that it's about what God wants and God wants people who will worship Him in spirit and in truth.

I was discussing this with my friend Karla and she said something that was pretty insightful. She said that in essence, the woman at the well was the first theologian. She began God talk or talk about what God wants in the context of her own world. She didn't ask what the temple leaders believed nor did she spout rhetoric on what her people believed. Instead, she was open to asking and receiving of Jesus what the Father desires. Also, how cool that after this conversation the woman says to Jesus, "I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things". Jesus in turn responds that it is he with whom she speaks that is this Messiah. No wonder she went to town telling everyone who she just met.

I also like the idea of putting myself in her shoes post-Jesus moment. She most likely has a reputation in town of being a bit of a husband hound and may feel a bit ashamed about what people think of her. Despite that, she runs into town telling all of these people that she met a man who knows everything about her past. I mean, hello! She has probably lived her whole adult life trying to put that part of her life in the background. We see this in the way she responds to Jesus when he tells her to bring her husband and she says, " I have no husband". She doesn't say, "well, I have a live-in boyfriend. Would you like me to bring him?" No, she disregards any past with husbands all together. Now, after her time with Jesus she is telling everyone that this man knew her past with all its stickiness.

I think that sometimes I struggle with feeling that "known" by Jesus. I know that he knows all of the flawed parts of me and that he knows what I have done (ugh, that's scary), but I don't know what it would feel like to have him repeat it all back to me. I don't know that I would go running into Monrovia saying, "this man knows all about me. This is my Jesus". Sometimes I feel like I get really stuck in thinking "this man knows all about me. I need to hide. I need to hide. I need to hide". I pray that Jesus would continue to repeat back to me all that my life has been and will in kind connect me to the Father/Mother heart that says, "you are my daughter. I was with you then. I am with you now. You belong to me. Please trust my love for you".