Identity in ...

Last night at our women's youth group we talked about Romans 12:1-2 and the idea of our identity. Katie challenged us to write down some of the things that we currently find our identity in. I would be very foolish to think that this is an exercise which would only benefit the younger women in our group. It strikes a chord in my heart to realize that even though I am older and wiser than I used to be, I still find a false sense of strength in things other than the identity that God has given to me. So, here are some of the things that I find my identity in right now:
1) My Education and status as an educated person: It makes me feel good to be able to tell people that I went to UCLA and then to Fuller. Often my B.A. and M.A. make me feel more important than the person that I became through my educational experiences.
2) My music: I really should be more specific and say that I often find my identity in my ability as a singer. When people approve of or genuinely like my music and my voice, I feel like they approve of or genuinely like me.
3) My past rebellion and sin: I don't know why but I do feel like I am often able to relate to people in a really shallow way by talking about my past sin, my tattoos, my past piercings, my crazy stories, etc. With some Christians who have had similar experiences it feels like we can relate better if we identify ourselves with our past sin patterns instead of with where we have grown out of those patterns. Also, with Christians who have walked a pretty straight path but align themselves with edgier people, I find myself feeling more valuable to them because of some of my experiences during my more vulnerable and rebellious times.

So there are three things although I know that there are more that I am too tired to dig out right now.

Speaking Life to Lovely Creatures

Last night Joseph and I went to a youth worship night at a Vineyard church in Arcadia. It was three separate youth groups that met together to worship, share testimonies and fellowship together. At one point, one of the youth Pastors, Theo, got up and shared his life verse. I had the thought earlier in the service that I would like to ask God to lead me to a life verse. Funny ... Theo shared his not long after that thought popped in and I wrote it down in my Moleskine. Not that I want to yoink Theo's life verse but I really like it so I'm going to write it here. Romans 12:1-2: "I appeal to you therefore (siblings) by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect". I'm supposed to talk tomorrow night at our youth group girl's meeting that Katie and I just got going last week. I've been wondering what to speak on and I have found myself just whispering to God all week, "What can I talk about? What do you want for them? Do I have any freaking thing to say of worth?". I think God weaves things together from lots of scraps. I'd like to make an art project some day from scraps of things that have either been discarded or broken or are just small and seem insignificant. I would like to make them into something beautiful. I am going to speak about this verse tomorrow and even as i write this I am seeing God weave things together. Like this: okay, many of the girls in the group describe themselves as Goth. They want to be radical and out there and seen that way. The Christian faith when lived to it's fullest is the most radical form of self love, love for others and self-expression/self-knowledge that I have ever encountered. I really want the girls to get that. I still want to get that. Praise God!!! Maybe God can use my pathetic attempts at connecting with these lovely girls after all. Time to pray ... I'll be back.

So I'm praying and God reminded me how easy it can seem to just become radical and leave God to sit it out. Not okay! Radical comes from God. No leaving God out. If you do, you're just a poser!

Deborah The Prophetess, An Ancient Voice for Modern Women

Deborah was both a prophetess and a wife. It is interesting that the writer of Judges makes reference to this. The writer places Deborah in the context of her people, Israel, as well as in the context of family with her husband, Lappidoth. It says that during the time that Jabin, King of Canaan, was ruling Israel, the people of God cried out because of their oppression. During this time it is Deborah who is judging Israel. The use of the word "judge" is particular here because in Judges 2:16-18 it says, "Then the Lord raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen to their judges, for they whored after other gods and bowed down to them. They soon turned aside from the way in which their fathers had walked, who had obeyed the commandments of the Lord, and they did not do so. Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he (or she) saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge"(English Standard Version). So with the title of "judge" which is given Deborah, it is implicit that God is on her and is using her as a leader figure for her people, the Israelites.

Deborah is known as a judge amongst her people and it is her post to sit under the palm of Deborah and judge the people of Israel. She was obviously given this post both by God and through the recognition by her people of her position. I find this interesting and very personal because there is something powerful in the recognition by one's community which understands and supports a gifting. Often I feel very frustrated because of my musical gifting and my inability to take a step out on faith that God will provide financial blessing and ministry opportunities through my music. It is often when others within my "community", be it family, friends, or acquaintances, encourage my gifting that there is a greater understanding of the weight and responsibility of the gifting. I imagine that it was both because of God's call as well as the understanding of that call by her community that Deborah was able to confidently live into her role as a prophetess and the mouth-piece for God.

Deborah is not only a stationary prophetess, but is also recognized as a summoning prophetess or one who calls others to her in order to deliver a message. In other words, there are those who come to her voluntarily as well as those that come to her because she has called them for a particular word from God. It is as the summoning prophetess that Barak, the son of Abinoam, encounters Deborah. She summons him to remind him that God has specifically told him to gather his men at Mt. Tabor in order to defeat Sisera, the commander of the army for king Jabin. In this passage, the reader gets the feeling that Barak has been avoiding this word from God and the impeding duty that he is meant to do. Deborah serves as a reminder, but her role does not step there. It is after Barak says that he will only go if Deborah goes along that Deborah tells him, "I will surely go with you. Nevertheless, the road on which you are going will not lead to your glory, for the Lord will sell Sisera into the hand of a woman" Holy Macabees! The hand of a woman! What that must have felt like for Barak. Because of his disobedience to God and his lack of trust, not only is he subject to God's scolding from a woman, he will lose his glory to the hand of the woman. This woman is Jael, the wife of Heber, and it is she who houses Sisera under the pretense of safety and then drives a tent peg into his forehead killing him. Some may read this as an insult to women because Barak is meant to take this news as an insult. However, humankind's understanding is not God's and I believe that God honors the faithfulness of his daughters who are receptive to God's leading. This story offers me not only personal hope in my own calling, but also hope of the sisterhood of God who are designed to live in the fullness of love, encouragement and support of one another. Deborah followed God's leading to use Jael to bring peace to Israel and thus was a part of God's design to use and honor women in the work of God's mercy to those who are God's people.

The SOLD Project

Check out the Video Sidebar and click on the top box to see the teaser for the SOLD Project's video coming out next Fall. This film is going to take a personal look at the effects of human trafficking and I have some friends who are working on the project. Please check it out!

Juno

Joseph and I just watched the movie Juno. A friend who doesn't really know me told me I would love it. I did but I think for different reasons than she imagined. I found most of it to be really unrealistic. It is hard to imagine a teenage girl being so indifferent about the idea of giving up her baby. I also don't know of many young teens who are so open about being pregnant in front of shop clerks. However, the two scenes that I found most endearing caught my emotional attention because of their honesty. The first is the scene after Juno has had her son and her boyfriend Paulie comes to lay down beside her. The voice overdub says that he decided not to see his son and she decided the same. At that moment, the audience sees Paulie put his arm around Juno as she begins to play with his fingers and cry. The honesty in that scene touches my heart immensely. My second favorite scene is the closing scene which takes place in the summer almost a full year after Juno finds out she is pregnant. The movie closes with Juno and her boyfriend playing guitar and singing a song together on the front steps of his house. This is a perfect closer as the song has been heard a few times throughout the film. All in all, I found Juno to be a fairytale portrayal of a real-life issue. I did enjoy it ...

Coffee Shop Courier 3.14.08

Friday March 14, 2008

Rebekka hummed as she prepared for another day of customer community and wonderful pointless banter. Looking around, one could easily see that there was a system to her morning. She was the opener and, as the title suggests, she was responsible for the day's beginning. She was the stage-setter, the set-designer, the mood-regulator. Rebekka was the creator in these moments. There was no hint of frustration; no beads of sweat turning into salt wrinkles on her brow. Nope. This was her time and she defended it with the upturned corners of her mouth and the good vibrations pouncing out of her rosy cheeks.

It was into this warm something that I walked at 6:45 am. “Good morning Miss Rebekka”. “Goot Mornin’”, she replied with her bubbly German lilt. “It seems that you have gotten most everything already done for the day and you still have ten minutes to spare. Can I do anything for you?” She stood with her head cocked to the side for a quick minute. She looked like one of those oddly beautiful cartoon characters in a Disney movie; maybe a wide-eyed puppy from Lady and the Tramp or some winsome friend of a syrup-voiced princess. “Sur, I habn’t gotten to da refilling da copfee yet”, she said thoughtfully. There was something in her reply that was inviting and full of encouragement and trust. I felt like I had been invited into the fun! “Great, I would love to fill those for you”. And that’s what I did. At 6:50 am, I stood cheerfully behind the light oak counter with the squishy mats underneath my flip-flopped feet and filled the grinder hoppers from a bag of rich, umber beans.

Familairity breeds ... pure love

Ever heard that weird line "familiarity breeds contempt"? It's an interesting thought. Basically it means to say that the more time you spend with someone, the more you find them absolutely annoying and atrociously obnoxious. I really and truly used to believe in this saying. It seemed fair; the more time that you spend with someone, the more you get to know their less idealistic sides. A friend I knew in seminary used to say that it was a psychological fact that all of the things one finds intriguing in a romantic partner, one later finds to be the thing that is the most frustrating after becoming committed. So the guy who really digs the girl who is always looking really made-up and prettied can't stand the way that his now-girlfriend takes 20 minutes to put on lipstick and makes them late for everything. In the same way, the girl that is attracted to the quiet guy who is really sweet and genuine later is frustrated that he never wants to go out and socialize.

Now with that background I go back to the fact that I used to believe that "familiarity breeds contempt". I say that I "used" to believe that because after celebrating my first half of a year with my husband by going away to British Columbia together for a friend's wedding, I have found the opposite to be true. Instead of familiarity breeding contempt, sarcasm, boredom or anything of that nature, familiarity has bred pure love. This excites me because I believe that this will only continue to happen the further down the road we get. Also, as we become more familiar with praying with each other, reading together, eating together, sleeping together, driving together and everything else together, I become more aware of what my husband needs. I become more attuned to him as a person. I count this as such a blessing because I really and truly know how much I don't deserve this kind of joy in my life. I count it only as a gift from God. I am so excited to wake up every morning with my best friend and say, "I am yours and you are mine. Let's take on the day".