Missing Armenia

Today is Sunday November 30th (I think) and I am sitting here writing this post from my bed at the Holiday Inn at London Heathrow. Joseph and I finished our 10 day visit to Armenia yesterday, flying back through Moscow on our way here to London. We got in last night and had dinner in our room, which was a treat, and then went straight to bed. I am feeling a bit more like myself, praise God, as this cold of mine in starting to subside.

We said goodbye to Roy and Chris Cochran yesterday, which was hard as they were our travel companions, co-teachers and close friends for the last 10 days. We also said goodbye to our Armenian-American brother, Tom, who became a great friend over these last 10 days. I told Joseph as we boarded our plane for London that it was like losing limbs as we said good bye to people. We said goodbye to Tom and we lost an arm. Then we said goodbye to Chris and Roy and we last our legs. All we have left is one arm each and so Joseph and I must hold onto each other for all we are worth :) It is good to be together just the two of us again but I sincerely miss the laughter, jokes, squished cab rides and long meals that we shared.

Everytime I try to sit and write about our time in Armenia in order to let friends and family know what it was like, I get stuck. I think my brain and body are still taking it all in and figuring it out. It was a hard place, for sure. The stamp of the Soviet Era is still well imprinted on the place. Tom jokingly taught us a phrase that sums up relations between most people which is, "I am fine, you are fine" (with thick Armenian accent). It's kind of funny to say but it is so true. The ethos i "I mind my business, you mind yours ... everything is ok". Here is an illustration. On our way to church on Sunday, we drove past a crowd that was huddled around a woman on the ground. Tom, Roy and Joseph got out of the car to see what was going on. Chris and I stayed in the car and prayed, figuring that they didn't need more people taking oxygen. When Tom came back in the car, he was flustered and a bit angry. The women, who was elderly, had been hit by a car and was bleeding from her head. No one was calling an ambulence and no one was taking her injury seriously. She just kept saying that she wanted to go home. When Tom suggested that she needed to go to the hospital, everyone got angry with him. As we talked about it more , I got the sense of oppression and how th enemy works in a cultural context.

It's breakfast time, so we're going to go eat. More to come later!

Preparations...

We just wrapped a planning meeting with the pastor and worhsip leader of our local host church. Our sharing and sense of common vision was beyond anyone's expectation. It iturns out that the pastor and worship leader are both suberb musicians. In fact, the pastor taught music at a seminary in Russia and also spent five years compiling and transcribing new and traditional songs of worship for a newly published Armenian hymnal. It is overwhelming and humbling to particate in this workshop.

We start things off tomorrow morning. About thirty people from seven to ten different churches are expected to participate. PLEASE PRAY FOR US! We'll work through a loose outline that I've been putting together. Each day we'll spend time looking into the Psalms. Also, daily we will worship together with various participants leading the group. We want to emphasize working together to articulate core values which are both shared and expressed in the context of diversity. It's still a bit fuzzy... so PLEASE PRAY for clarity of vision and communication.

Armenia ... we are here!

We have now been in Armenia for 2 full days. We arrived in Yerevan at about 3:30 in the morning on Wednesday (Tuesday at 3:30 pm US time). We were greeted by Darren who is the person who has invited us out to spend the week here. After getting into the guest house where we are staying, we met Tom who is running the guest house while we are here. We drank tea and talked for a bit before we decided to try to get some sleep. We were all able to sleep until about 1 pm and then got dressed to go out into the village where we are staying. We walked through the streets to get to the market. It was amazing to see the places where people live. Many of them have blown out windows with only light curtains. The Soviet era is very visible here. The ghosts and bones of a very ancient culture seem buried underneath the minimalistic buildings. We visited an apostolic Armenian church which was built in 1270. It was small and very beautiful. It is funny to me to think that it wasn't for another 200 years that we had the visitation of Columbus that we think of as the furthest back our Anglo history goes in America. After visiting the church we continued walking through the village. There is a particular smell in Yerevan because people don't have trash pickup but instead burn all of their garbage. The city itself is quite polluted and you can smell the ashe and smoke in the air. After getting to the market, we walked through the stalls until settling on some lamb, vegetables and herbs to take home. We took a very squished taxi ride home and began settling in for the night. We were all exhausted and unfortunately, the Armenian culture is a late culture. While dinner took a long time to prepare, it was well worth the wait. We had a dinner of roasted lamb, pasta, herbs, lavash and cheese. It was so amazing. They take the herbs, all different kinds, and wrap them up in the lavash and eat it plain. It was delicious. After dinner and clean up we were all wiped out. We went to bed with full tummies and thankfulness.

Day 1 - London

Since Joseph took a couple minutes to write something, I figure it is only right for me to do the same. If I forget how to spell, skip words or don't make sense, please forgive me. After the nine and a half hour flight from London and the four and a half hours waiting here in the London Heathrow airport for our next flight, nothing seems to be making much sense. We had a very fast flight into London and sat next to an adorable little boy named Nicholas. He was 10 months old and an amazing traveler. This is, of course, justification for our notions of travel when our little one is young and it was awesome to see a mom and baby travel so well and stress-free together.

Joseph and I have been blessed with what feels like great favor from where we sat on the plane, to the people who have helped us at ticket counters, to good food and feeling healthy. It has also been great to have some time to continue our preparations for the workshop we will be doing in Armenia. We are off to our next flight in about 2 and a half hours ... Moscow first, then Yerevan, Armenia!

LONDON LAYOVER

Hey... it is Joseph here. I am stealing a few lines on the blog while Jaime is not looking. WE ARE SO GRATEFUL! Wow. The outpouring of support has been a huge blessing - which makes the feeling of grace and favor even deeper. This is an amazing privilege!!!

As the Eagle Flies. Thank you Catalina Family!

This morning, Joseph and I got off the Catalina Express boat at about 11:15 am and said goodbye to some dear "family" that we got to spend time with this weekend praying, worshipping, laughing and just hanging out.  Our friends Annie and Fran invited us out to Emerald Bay for their weekend retreat with Derek and Terry from Harvest Rock.  We came out ready to be refreshed through worship and fellowship but I'm not quite sure that either of us were totally prepared for the encounter we were going to have with God's Holy Spirit.  At least, I wasn't prepared for it.  I expected to get to have a great time of fellowship and to enjoy the beauty of our surroundings. What I was met with was the thick fog of the Holy Spirit.  Saturday afternoon and evening were filled with worship unlike anything I've ever experienced.  For me, it felt like there was so much freedom and connection.  Many people shared feeling and seeing the presence of angels around us during worship.  It was as if we were all being prepared for something through the process worshipping together.  Truly, that is what I believe was happening.  It seemed that everyone that was there was there for a specific reason.  This was only impressed upon me more on Sunday.  Each of us had the opportunity to be commissioned for whatever God might be calling us to.  It was so powerful to be prayed over and to feel sent out from this group of people and from God to do the work that has been set before us. As the praying and prophecying happened, I felt the burden of fear, anxiety, stress and unworthiness fall right off of me.  I felt so absolutely connected to everyone that was in the room.  As each one went up for prayer, though I had just recently met many of them,  God really touched my heart for them and brought to a place of deep prayer and groaning for each of their live's missions.  This weekend in Catalina was ordained by God!  We are so immensely greatful to the Lord for the opportunity to be there and so immensely greatful to our Catalina Family for sending us out and supporting us spiritually and physically.  It is humbling to be loved in so grand a manner!

Trees, Fruit, Conformity and the Like

Last night at our youth group for the ladies Katie brought the goods and continued our conversation about what it means to buck conformity to this world and to find our identity in Christ. She really did well dealing with the truth that even those of us who have rebellious streaks and take pride in not conforming are doing just that by finding our identity in non-conformity. We all conform to something whether we like it or not. We talked about the fact that Jesus Christ didn't conform to the world because he understood his purpose and the way the Father loved him. He even chastised others for getting in the way of the will of the Father. At one point, we discussed why we feel the need to conform to this world. The answers varied from acceptance to belonging to the need for identity to the need for love. Katie dropped the bomb when she told us that the desire not to conform can become an idol in our lives. The desire to be different can be so powerful that we can put it above what God wants. "Kimmie, what if God doesn't want you to write anymore?" "Jaime what if God wanted you to give up singing?" "Niki, what if you couldn't wear black anymore?" "Katie what if God wanted you to dress like a prep and take 10 showers a day?" Gulp! Are any of us really willing to give up our identity for God. I think that in light of ministry, I would have to ask the same thing. I think that often those in ministry make idols out of their desire to be known as the pastor or the worship leader or the whatever. I know that often when I had positions of leadership and or ministry at Fuller I had a really hard time giving up my title and my desire to be seen as important and useful in that role. I think that many times that idol in my life led me to leave God out so that I could do what I "knew" was best. Man!! Looking back I had the opportunity to do a lot of damage. Praise God that he protected me as well as others from me.
Katie ended our discussion by talking about John 15:1-8 and the imagery of the true vine, the gardener, the branches and the fruit. It was cool to see the group (myself included) really come to study and understand the idea that for our own good and the good of others, God cuts off those branches that don't bear fruit. Sometimes that represents people and sometimes that represents parts of people. I think that for most, the analogy means to say that God in God's loving nature, lops off those parts of us that don't produce good and loving actions and ways. He lops them off so that we can't hurt ourselves and others. I pray that God would continue to go to town on me, lopping and sawing and trimming and clipping until I bear the kind of heavy, ripe and wonderful fruit that pleases God. Oooooh, art project for us girls: To bring in a picture of us and draw around a picture of our face the tree that we want to become. May be silly, but I'm visual. It could be a powerful reminder of who we are when we abide in Christ.

Identity in ...

Last night at our women's youth group we talked about Romans 12:1-2 and the idea of our identity. Katie challenged us to write down some of the things that we currently find our identity in. I would be very foolish to think that this is an exercise which would only benefit the younger women in our group. It strikes a chord in my heart to realize that even though I am older and wiser than I used to be, I still find a false sense of strength in things other than the identity that God has given to me. So, here are some of the things that I find my identity in right now:
1) My Education and status as an educated person: It makes me feel good to be able to tell people that I went to UCLA and then to Fuller. Often my B.A. and M.A. make me feel more important than the person that I became through my educational experiences.
2) My music: I really should be more specific and say that I often find my identity in my ability as a singer. When people approve of or genuinely like my music and my voice, I feel like they approve of or genuinely like me.
3) My past rebellion and sin: I don't know why but I do feel like I am often able to relate to people in a really shallow way by talking about my past sin, my tattoos, my past piercings, my crazy stories, etc. With some Christians who have had similar experiences it feels like we can relate better if we identify ourselves with our past sin patterns instead of with where we have grown out of those patterns. Also, with Christians who have walked a pretty straight path but align themselves with edgier people, I find myself feeling more valuable to them because of some of my experiences during my more vulnerable and rebellious times.

So there are three things although I know that there are more that I am too tired to dig out right now.

Speaking Life to Lovely Creatures

Last night Joseph and I went to a youth worship night at a Vineyard church in Arcadia. It was three separate youth groups that met together to worship, share testimonies and fellowship together. At one point, one of the youth Pastors, Theo, got up and shared his life verse. I had the thought earlier in the service that I would like to ask God to lead me to a life verse. Funny ... Theo shared his not long after that thought popped in and I wrote it down in my Moleskine. Not that I want to yoink Theo's life verse but I really like it so I'm going to write it here. Romans 12:1-2: "I appeal to you therefore (siblings) by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect". I'm supposed to talk tomorrow night at our youth group girl's meeting that Katie and I just got going last week. I've been wondering what to speak on and I have found myself just whispering to God all week, "What can I talk about? What do you want for them? Do I have any freaking thing to say of worth?". I think God weaves things together from lots of scraps. I'd like to make an art project some day from scraps of things that have either been discarded or broken or are just small and seem insignificant. I would like to make them into something beautiful. I am going to speak about this verse tomorrow and even as i write this I am seeing God weave things together. Like this: okay, many of the girls in the group describe themselves as Goth. They want to be radical and out there and seen that way. The Christian faith when lived to it's fullest is the most radical form of self love, love for others and self-expression/self-knowledge that I have ever encountered. I really want the girls to get that. I still want to get that. Praise God!!! Maybe God can use my pathetic attempts at connecting with these lovely girls after all. Time to pray ... I'll be back.

So I'm praying and God reminded me how easy it can seem to just become radical and leave God to sit it out. Not okay! Radical comes from God. No leaving God out. If you do, you're just a poser!

Deborah The Prophetess, An Ancient Voice for Modern Women

Deborah was both a prophetess and a wife. It is interesting that the writer of Judges makes reference to this. The writer places Deborah in the context of her people, Israel, as well as in the context of family with her husband, Lappidoth. It says that during the time that Jabin, King of Canaan, was ruling Israel, the people of God cried out because of their oppression. During this time it is Deborah who is judging Israel. The use of the word "judge" is particular here because in Judges 2:16-18 it says, "Then the Lord raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen to their judges, for they whored after other gods and bowed down to them. They soon turned aside from the way in which their fathers had walked, who had obeyed the commandments of the Lord, and they did not do so. Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he (or she) saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge"(English Standard Version). So with the title of "judge" which is given Deborah, it is implicit that God is on her and is using her as a leader figure for her people, the Israelites.

Deborah is known as a judge amongst her people and it is her post to sit under the palm of Deborah and judge the people of Israel. She was obviously given this post both by God and through the recognition by her people of her position. I find this interesting and very personal because there is something powerful in the recognition by one's community which understands and supports a gifting. Often I feel very frustrated because of my musical gifting and my inability to take a step out on faith that God will provide financial blessing and ministry opportunities through my music. It is often when others within my "community", be it family, friends, or acquaintances, encourage my gifting that there is a greater understanding of the weight and responsibility of the gifting. I imagine that it was both because of God's call as well as the understanding of that call by her community that Deborah was able to confidently live into her role as a prophetess and the mouth-piece for God.

Deborah is not only a stationary prophetess, but is also recognized as a summoning prophetess or one who calls others to her in order to deliver a message. In other words, there are those who come to her voluntarily as well as those that come to her because she has called them for a particular word from God. It is as the summoning prophetess that Barak, the son of Abinoam, encounters Deborah. She summons him to remind him that God has specifically told him to gather his men at Mt. Tabor in order to defeat Sisera, the commander of the army for king Jabin. In this passage, the reader gets the feeling that Barak has been avoiding this word from God and the impeding duty that he is meant to do. Deborah serves as a reminder, but her role does not step there. It is after Barak says that he will only go if Deborah goes along that Deborah tells him, "I will surely go with you. Nevertheless, the road on which you are going will not lead to your glory, for the Lord will sell Sisera into the hand of a woman" Holy Macabees! The hand of a woman! What that must have felt like for Barak. Because of his disobedience to God and his lack of trust, not only is he subject to God's scolding from a woman, he will lose his glory to the hand of the woman. This woman is Jael, the wife of Heber, and it is she who houses Sisera under the pretense of safety and then drives a tent peg into his forehead killing him. Some may read this as an insult to women because Barak is meant to take this news as an insult. However, humankind's understanding is not God's and I believe that God honors the faithfulness of his daughters who are receptive to God's leading. This story offers me not only personal hope in my own calling, but also hope of the sisterhood of God who are designed to live in the fullness of love, encouragement and support of one another. Deborah followed God's leading to use Jael to bring peace to Israel and thus was a part of God's design to use and honor women in the work of God's mercy to those who are God's people.

The SOLD Project

Check out the Video Sidebar and click on the top box to see the teaser for the SOLD Project's video coming out next Fall. This film is going to take a personal look at the effects of human trafficking and I have some friends who are working on the project. Please check it out!

Juno

Joseph and I just watched the movie Juno. A friend who doesn't really know me told me I would love it. I did but I think for different reasons than she imagined. I found most of it to be really unrealistic. It is hard to imagine a teenage girl being so indifferent about the idea of giving up her baby. I also don't know of many young teens who are so open about being pregnant in front of shop clerks. However, the two scenes that I found most endearing caught my emotional attention because of their honesty. The first is the scene after Juno has had her son and her boyfriend Paulie comes to lay down beside her. The voice overdub says that he decided not to see his son and she decided the same. At that moment, the audience sees Paulie put his arm around Juno as she begins to play with his fingers and cry. The honesty in that scene touches my heart immensely. My second favorite scene is the closing scene which takes place in the summer almost a full year after Juno finds out she is pregnant. The movie closes with Juno and her boyfriend playing guitar and singing a song together on the front steps of his house. This is a perfect closer as the song has been heard a few times throughout the film. All in all, I found Juno to be a fairytale portrayal of a real-life issue. I did enjoy it ...

Coffee Shop Courier 3.14.08

Friday March 14, 2008

Rebekka hummed as she prepared for another day of customer community and wonderful pointless banter. Looking around, one could easily see that there was a system to her morning. She was the opener and, as the title suggests, she was responsible for the day's beginning. She was the stage-setter, the set-designer, the mood-regulator. Rebekka was the creator in these moments. There was no hint of frustration; no beads of sweat turning into salt wrinkles on her brow. Nope. This was her time and she defended it with the upturned corners of her mouth and the good vibrations pouncing out of her rosy cheeks.

It was into this warm something that I walked at 6:45 am. “Good morning Miss Rebekka”. “Goot Mornin’”, she replied with her bubbly German lilt. “It seems that you have gotten most everything already done for the day and you still have ten minutes to spare. Can I do anything for you?” She stood with her head cocked to the side for a quick minute. She looked like one of those oddly beautiful cartoon characters in a Disney movie; maybe a wide-eyed puppy from Lady and the Tramp or some winsome friend of a syrup-voiced princess. “Sur, I habn’t gotten to da refilling da copfee yet”, she said thoughtfully. There was something in her reply that was inviting and full of encouragement and trust. I felt like I had been invited into the fun! “Great, I would love to fill those for you”. And that’s what I did. At 6:50 am, I stood cheerfully behind the light oak counter with the squishy mats underneath my flip-flopped feet and filled the grinder hoppers from a bag of rich, umber beans.

Familairity breeds ... pure love

Ever heard that weird line "familiarity breeds contempt"? It's an interesting thought. Basically it means to say that the more time you spend with someone, the more you find them absolutely annoying and atrociously obnoxious. I really and truly used to believe in this saying. It seemed fair; the more time that you spend with someone, the more you get to know their less idealistic sides. A friend I knew in seminary used to say that it was a psychological fact that all of the things one finds intriguing in a romantic partner, one later finds to be the thing that is the most frustrating after becoming committed. So the guy who really digs the girl who is always looking really made-up and prettied can't stand the way that his now-girlfriend takes 20 minutes to put on lipstick and makes them late for everything. In the same way, the girl that is attracted to the quiet guy who is really sweet and genuine later is frustrated that he never wants to go out and socialize.

Now with that background I go back to the fact that I used to believe that "familiarity breeds contempt". I say that I "used" to believe that because after celebrating my first half of a year with my husband by going away to British Columbia together for a friend's wedding, I have found the opposite to be true. Instead of familiarity breeding contempt, sarcasm, boredom or anything of that nature, familiarity has bred pure love. This excites me because I believe that this will only continue to happen the further down the road we get. Also, as we become more familiar with praying with each other, reading together, eating together, sleeping together, driving together and everything else together, I become more aware of what my husband needs. I become more attuned to him as a person. I count this as such a blessing because I really and truly know how much I don't deserve this kind of joy in my life. I count it only as a gift from God. I am so excited to wake up every morning with my best friend and say, "I am yours and you are mine. Let's take on the day".

Woman at the Well - The First Theologian

This past Sunday my pastor preached about the woman at the well. Obviously I've heard this story a number of times and I have studied it a bit at Fuller. However, I saw it with new eyes this time and as my pastor encouraged us to go home and read the story again and to meditate on it further, I found myself gaining new insights and asking new questions.

One thing that I found to be quite profound is that when the woman recognizes Jesus as a "prophet" her first question is about worship. She is a Samarian and therefore differentiates herself by where she and her people choose to worship. She asks Jesus about the right way/place to worship ... "Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship". This woman does not know that Jesus is the Messiah but she knows that he has something to offer her. Jesus replies that worship isn't about the place in which one worships or the "right way" within the existing paradigm, but that it's about what God wants and God wants people who will worship Him in spirit and in truth.

I was discussing this with my friend Karla and she said something that was pretty insightful. She said that in essence, the woman at the well was the first theologian. She began God talk or talk about what God wants in the context of her own world. She didn't ask what the temple leaders believed nor did she spout rhetoric on what her people believed. Instead, she was open to asking and receiving of Jesus what the Father desires. Also, how cool that after this conversation the woman says to Jesus, "I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things". Jesus in turn responds that it is he with whom she speaks that is this Messiah. No wonder she went to town telling everyone who she just met.

I also like the idea of putting myself in her shoes post-Jesus moment. She most likely has a reputation in town of being a bit of a husband hound and may feel a bit ashamed about what people think of her. Despite that, she runs into town telling all of these people that she met a man who knows everything about her past. I mean, hello! She has probably lived her whole adult life trying to put that part of her life in the background. We see this in the way she responds to Jesus when he tells her to bring her husband and she says, " I have no husband". She doesn't say, "well, I have a live-in boyfriend. Would you like me to bring him?" No, she disregards any past with husbands all together. Now, after her time with Jesus she is telling everyone that this man knew her past with all its stickiness.

I think that sometimes I struggle with feeling that "known" by Jesus. I know that he knows all of the flawed parts of me and that he knows what I have done (ugh, that's scary), but I don't know what it would feel like to have him repeat it all back to me. I don't know that I would go running into Monrovia saying, "this man knows all about me. This is my Jesus". Sometimes I feel like I get really stuck in thinking "this man knows all about me. I need to hide. I need to hide. I need to hide". I pray that Jesus would continue to repeat back to me all that my life has been and will in kind connect me to the Father/Mother heart that says, "you are my daughter. I was with you then. I am with you now. You belong to me. Please trust my love for you".